Dassa bihg snate! 


The Wallet 

The Bad Mother Fucker Wallet is available here:



Happy Birthday to the I-Diddy 


NASA Officials: Imminent Death for All! 

That's right everyone, we're all going to die someday. In the meantime we'll just have to deal with the next worse thing - cellphone signal deprivation. Has anyone had problems with their cellphone as a result of this crazy electromagnetic storm thingamajigger? There's some sweet footage of the sun blowing up available here. And guess what Euro-dude? It's even cooler to watch... ON WEED!



So any of you bastards think you aren't pedofiles? Again if you know you are.... legal age in the Netherlands is 14!! http://hamncheez.com/download.php?flash=likejailbait2.swf

Ok so this time I will put the link in twice...since it didn't work the last time. By the way, I got a 5 out of 5. It comes from an even better, www.zipperfish.com!!!! One of the coolest websites, should be added to the links. I enjoy the "You are a fucking moron" section. Username = Lick Password =The Fish. It is case sensitive.



Lemme Get Some Action From the Back Section 

Some of you may have already seen this. For those of you who have not, enjoy.


Class Reunion 

I particularly enjoy the girl who is spreading her cheeks for us.


Happy Tree Friends 

Not sure if you guys have seen this before, but they are hilarious. Here is a site with a lot of the Happy Tree Friends Shows. http://www.tecp.info/gamo/htf/ I think what makes the cartoons is the intro and outro music. Start with 'Helping Helps' and then move on from there. Probably the only show that needs the label, "May cause violence in Children". haha


Need of Lovin?? Netherlands is the place to Come!! 

Cost will run you 50 euros, all will tell you for a suck and fuck. If you are lucky, you may get a trial performance, but it will only make you cough up the dough. Leave the cameras at home boys, the bouncer pimps will take them faster than you will finish the job!!


Say It Ain't Schmo 

I don't know if any of you have been keeping up on the latest reality show craze, but I was over at McCoy's and unfortunate enough to be exposed to the bacteria known as the Joe Schmo Show (in it's potent "Season Finale" form). This is the show where they take an average dude and make him think that he's competeing with other "Contestants" who are vying for the $100,000 prize. Being the last episode of the season last night, they finally told Joe that it was all a big joke. What is his reaction - "This frickin' weird guys - really frickin' weird" and then he cried and cried and cried and.... cried some more and more. Ok, I know the dude was caught by surprise, but the crying went on for at least a half hour. Did anyone see this? Could it have been real? Regardless of whether it was real or staged it was the most emotionally exploitative piece of programming I've seen in some time.

In the end the gave Joe all the prizes he missed by losing events on the show, plus the $100,000. My vote? Lets give him a suitcase full of narcotics and create a spinoff... we'll call it Joe Blow. In this show, Joe will be in on the joke that he's really a bigtime dope user. Then we'll get a bunch of crackheads (european accents would be a nice bonus) to compete for his affection and beg for the good shit.


It's About Time 




Local Porn Connoisseur "Penetrates" The Porn Market 

On an average day, this young stallion (Nicknamed "The Angry Ape") invades porn shops all across America in search of the perfect porn. His well defined and yet thorough searches, shed light upon the weaknesses of the porn industry. Upon reviewal of The Lion's Den, "The Angry Ape" criticized the absence of midget and "rough sex" pornography. When asked to define "rough sex" smut, he replied, "You know...the Chief Joseph, Walrus, Donkey Punch, and of course the Angry Ape! This is the shit that every Catholic family experiments with, but ya never see it on tape." After further reviewal, The Lion's Den scored a struggling 7.5 out of 10. This establishment is located 75 miles east of St. Louis on Hwy 70.


One Two Three Shoot 

The world Rock Paper Scissors championships were recently held in Toronto. As many of you know, I have been hard at work stategizing over many months in preparation for this very important battle of the titans. I am pleased to annouce that one of my clients - Rob Krueger - was crowned RPS champ of the world on the "Rock-Paper-Paper" strategy created and perfected by yours truly. As expected, Rob's 1st round "Rock" throw psyched his opponent in to attempting the ill-conceived "Triple-rock" throw. Big mistake my friend - it cost you the championship. Well done Rob - congrats to you and the rest of the crew in the Legion of the Red Fist.


Halloween Costume Ideas 


You filthy Americans...I have come to end your Reign of Terror 

Or were you supposed to be fighting terror....I don't remember anymore. It's good to get back in some of you bieaoutches worlds. Just came to let you know that this Euro trash mo'fo still lives. I just finished my internship and had a holiday, quick stop in London and then went to Rome and Florence. I'm back to work right now on a special project, in Aachen, Germany at AMO GmbH. Check out www.amo.de. It's very near Maastricht, Netherlands where I went to school for a year or so. It's cool, but I am fucking busy as shit with too much on my mind. Not only do I need to write my thesis and work 40 hours a week to get some cash. But I am also trying to improve my German, have something of a social (you know me, have to kill myself if I didn't get drunk and fuck) life. But the shit of it is that I miss a lot of my friends that I lived with in Maastricht, but who are all gone to their respective countries, Spain, France and Italy. Latin culture baby!!! By far the coolest fucking countries in the world. As I said, not only do I have to deal with this shit, but I also have to deal with the fact that I have no career job yet and a huge ass god damned loan. It also means that my dream of living and working in Europe is dissolving. So Scheiße, Shit, Puta Mierde, Putan de Merde, Figlio di putana. But hey good for all of you, because that means that I will be coming home around Christmas to stay. Honestly, I do look forward to seeing you bitches soon. So let me know what the fuck you are doing, because I have been a bastard and out of it for a while.


This here is a German drinking game that I played in July when I first got to Aachen, back when I did my internship here. It was at the student housing, where everyone pays a couple Euros and then gets 10 beers, but has to run a half a Kilometer, roughly 1/3 mile and drink a beer in between. Ya, fucking hardcore, especially for my no running stoner ass. Germans were puking everywhere. I'm on the the far right, but a few of my friends are in front of me. I have some other cool pics I might post if I can ever transfer them.


Straight and Straight Ninja "Anal Wrestle" Till The Cows Come Home 

As ninjas of the woods, these guardians have sworn an oath to protect mankind. Mike said, "I wasn't gonna let that 600 lbs. gorilla steal my virginity. So we stole his!"



Math Nerd Gets Sweet Revenge 

After much debauchery, Casey resorts to "saluting" fellow teammates. This revenge was triggered by a previous "ass in the face" episode! What the picture does not capture is a small turtle that soon found his way to the bed. Go Gary Carter!!!


Snap into it! 

It would appear that the Macho Man Randy Savage has taken time out of his busy phonebook ripping schedule in order to record his debut CD "Be A Man" - including the future hit singles "RU Ready" and "Feel the Madness."
Macho Man's response to the Hulkster's 1995 album "Hulk Rules" was a long time in the making, and personally I could give a shit. I would like to hear some of this rap-rock masterpiece however. Read more about genre-destroying release at Pitchfork, and let me know if you can find audio samples anywhere.


Blog me this Blog Me that 

Yo Kids - I have made a few changes and deleted a few things. I can imagine that this may be the first time many of you have delved into the wonderful world of blog-ness (as it is mine). First of all, lets not make this a message board full of single sentences with no real content. I have created a comments section where you can feel free to post as much stupid shit as you like.

I envision this site to be a place where we can, among other things:

1. Link to interesting items, stories, photos, and general hilarity.
2. Post pictures of our ass(es) in the face of those who are sleeping.
- please do so in moderation
3. Make annoucements about upcoming monster-truck events of note.
- especially if and when treadhead seats are only 10 bucks
4. Discuss new music, movies
- Jared - consider yourself to be a our senoir porn correspondent.

I'm still waiting to get the confirmation on how to upload pix. I looks like we may have to use an FTP program in order to do so. If and when I get this figured out I'll send out an email to everyone explaining how to do it. In the meantime, check out this site for a great example on how to blog, and get busy with that shit.

Also, I will be happy to add links to any of your favorite places. Just let me know what you want up there and I'll fix it up. Also, I think it would be cool to have personal listings of what every is listening to, watching, reading as well.


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