I'm not real big on old flicks, except for the persuasive kind that encourage youngsters to conform to the norm and join the masses. Check out this hilarious short film (9 min.) I found from the early 50s that with some helpful hints on how to bump up your social status. Eerily-Pleasantville. A desription from the site:

One of the best examples of post-World War II social guidance films, with examples of "good" and "bad" girls, proper and improper dating etiquette, courtesy to parents, and an analysis of what makes some people popular and others not. A scream and a sobering document of postwar conformity
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Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes upon the latest innovation for keeping your cash and drug stashes safe. The "Brief Safe" is a pair of seemingly nasty-ass skibbies with built in secret pocket. One thing is f'damn sure - no one would think to look for your valuables in a dirty pair of undies. Even if they did, they sure as hell wouldn't touch them. At this point the origin and application of the stain is undetermined. A description from the manufacturer is as follows:

Items can be hidden right under their noses with these specially-designed briefs which contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro® closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Leave the "Brief Safe" in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room - even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them.

Buy them here for a measly $9.
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[via Morning News] If you've ever wandered what the inside of the first issue of Action Comics (A.K.A. Superman #1) from June 1938 looks like, now's your chance. It has been scanned and is available to read online here. Allegedly there are only 4 copies of this in existence in "High-grade" quality. The average copy of Action Comics #1 starts around $75,000.

Just reading the first couple pages I'm amazed at how fast they told the story of his childhood. Three frames into the book and he's already on earth picking up sofas. Six frames in and he's already in costume.
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Swing by this rather strange site and help this ?Cow? play the greatest drum solo of all time. Easily coordinate and organzie every sweet fill, stick twirl, and comp beat. The coolest part is that when you're all done setting your drum solo up, you can watch the cow perform it onstage, and see if projected on to the Milkotron. Then have it sent to your email and saved for ever and ever. All said, there is a noticeable lack of a levitating drum set ala Motley Crue.

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A post of this nature is normally not what I go for, but this is definetly an "Oh m'god y'guys"-type situation. Alpha's Stargazing - go out and get it. When it comes to Electronic music, and music in general, this set of tracks truly defies genre boundaries. This record mixes trip-hop, electronic, lounge, and soul music in a way that's never been done, or at least perfected to this extent. The horns and strings on this disc are simply gorgeous, and they don't attack your ear, but rather give you that subtle nudge that says "Aren't you glad you're paying attention." It's early in the game, but right now this one sits at #1 for 2004.

I featured this song as last week's "Your Kids Are Gonna Love it" but incase you missed that oppurtunity, download a track here to get a taste of the magic.
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Just a reminder to all Watts readers to buy your tickets to Bloomington's Beerfest, this Friday night at the convention center. The ticket doesn't include drunken debauchery, but you can expect to get that for free. Over three hundred beers to sample, at a price of $25 (advance) or $30 (day-of). Stay late and watch Haag chork on some unsuspecting peice of clean carpet.
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It's been around the block already (blogospherically speaking of course), but I'd thought I'd give it a whirl here -- maybe driving up traffic to the site.

Slate has an article discussing the economics of orgasm. Its "stimulus" is recent research by a recent Ph.D. student in economics at the University of Texas. Without penetrating too deeply into the subject, let me just say this is pretty much right in line with how economists think. Professor Cowen posted on this guy's research back on Jan. 31st, and sums it up thusly:

I've been an economist for so long that I don't flinch when the paper abstract starts as follows:

"This paper models love-making as a signaling game. In the act of love-making, man and woman send each other possibly deceptive signals about their true state of ecstasy. Each has a prior belief about the other's state of ecstasy. These prior beliefs are associated with the other's sexual response capacity..."

The Slate article (from March 19th) is much easier...to swallow. Steven Landsburg is that rare breed of economist that makes sense when he writes. Among the findings from the research: you are more likely to fake an orgasm if you are in love. Also, it somehow ties into the 5th Amendment.

Nota Bene: Professor Cowen notes that this guy (UTexas grad) is in the market for a teaching position. He adds that if his own department had an opening, he'd be pulling for him to be hired.
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Next Tuesday should prove to be one of the best days of the year for the release of new music. I myself plan to pick up new discs by Iron & Wine, Palace, and Alpha (download the track of the week to hear them). Also interesting is the 3rd release from last year's indie breakthrough Broken Social Scene. The disc is called Beehives and is supposed to include demo-versions, alternate versions, and unreleased tracks from the sessions for You Forgot It In People. Swing over to the official site for the record and check out eight different sample tracks, including a very sparse Tori-esque take on "Lover's Spit" - one of my Faves from YFIIP.
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According to an article published today by the Associated Press, "Doctor" Phil isn't really a doctor at all. Speaking personally, I find Dr. Phil to be the nucleas of the over-extensive and under-defined number of anxiety disorders that have become the latest thing in medical marketing. According to the National Institute of Mental Health an estimated one in five adults suffer from a mental health disorder. This is an alarmingly high figure, and points at the medical industry's agenda to over-medicate all of us (up go the profits) rather than directing people to solve their mental health issues in a stabalized and lasting way.

Back to Phil. To me this guy is really sick. He preys on our most intrinsic self-doubts and plays up his advice - a disclaimered form of "Entertainment" - and likens it to expert medical counsel. Just like Oprah, Dr. Phil stands in as some kind of savior from negative self-esteem, and then he goes to commercial and tries to sell you botox or paxil. Dr. Phil, you's a son-of-a-bitch.
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First off - mad props to Rrrrrazor Shines for being tha dopest of all AAA ball-players eva. Secondly, being that baseball season is just right around the corner, I check out this page of unusual baseball cards that have been released over the years. Those of us who collected may remember cards like the 1989 Fleer Billy Ripkin "Fuck Face" card that was worth a fuck-load of cash.

On a personal note, my most valuble card is a 1969 Roger Maris, once worth about $60 now sells for $15. And that 87 Barry Bonds rookie? Don't expect to fetch more than a measly $10 for the home-run king. Look up the value of all your old cards on Beckett.com
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A couple of things I'd like discuss here. First off, I'm trying to organzing a car-camping visit to Deam for this Saturday, March 20. If you're down for going make sure you get ahold of me and we'll discuss the meeting place, etc - 812 219 4366. Come one come all. Right now there are at least 7 people who have expressed interest in going - and no, this is not one of those all-guy camping trips. I figure we could all meet in Bloomington and then head out that afternoon around 3-4pm.

Secondly, reading Byron's blog today I was inspired to organize a canoe trip for this summer. I would like to plan a trip that starts in northern Indy (either in Broad Ripple Park, or around 96th Street) and follows the white river as far south as we can make it in one day. I think it's possible to make it at least as far as Waverly, if not all the way to Martinsville (approx 40-50 miles depending on start point). I think it would be a cool way to see not only the wilderness of central Indiana, but also a different viewpoint on Downtown Indy. Who is down for this and/or camping this saturday?
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The home of indie-rock snobbery finally got served a few weeks back when Subpop records posted their spoof of Pitchfork's Simon Cowell-esque review style. Check out Popdork for a funny rundown of rock'n'roll dos and don'ts, as well as a few nice cheapshots at Pitchfork's rating key, news delivery and hype culture. If you don't read Pitchfork and you like Indie rock / hip-hop / electronic, then you need to get with the program because they have the best music writers on the internet IMO (along with Sasha Frere-Jones at Slate).

Also, this week's "Your Kids are Gonna Love It" is for fans of Massive Attack and/ or Portishead, so don't miss out on that.
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If you hadn't heard there were 10 bombings in Madrid, Spain on their trains and at the train stations during one of the peak times of the early rush hour. Some 200 are reported dead and 1000s more are injured. I have spoken online with two of my friends from Madrid, and they say it is something crazy. The only way I can relate to them is watching the tv on that day in NYC a couple years ago. One friend said that she had waited for hours to hear from her mother who was in the area during the time, but who is alright.

The Arabic newspaper Al-Quds al-Arabi said it had received a claim of responsibility issued in the name of al-Qaida. The e-mail claim of responsibility, signed by the shadowy Brigade of Abu Hafs al-Masri, was received at the newspaper's London offices and said the brigade's ''death squad'' had penetrated ''one of the pillars of the crusade alliance, Spain.'' ''This is part of settling old accounts with Spain, the crusader, and America's ally in its war against Islam,'' the claim said.

Spain and the leaders first thought it was the Basque country's terrorist group ETA, who are always the prime suspects when things like this happen in the actual Spain.

If you ask me it is extremely idiotic for Al-Qaida to go after Spain. A large majority of that country (the people) were against the war and war in general, even if the country was one of the first allies with the US in helping in the war on terrorism. It will only add to their enemies. Not that I think terrorist groups are ever rational, I would think that they would be smarter.


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IU Hoosiers, what? Johnson, what? Two 40 point halves, what? Davis said before the game, he is finally going to sit players if they don't listen to him (ie. play like shit). And Glory, Glory...it actually works. Why does he wait until the possible last game in the season to do it?? Is it amazing that we can have our 8, 9, & 10 players come in, play more minutes, give up 0 turnovers and score more points than they have all year...and actually decrease our deficit and increase our lead!! Or is it just obvious? I've been calling for a Wright benching all year...and here it finally happens and IU does something. I've been calling for a Tapak at point (keep Perry out) all year...and what happens but much needed ball movement and 11 assists. Assists, what a point guard was made to do. And give it all to Johnson, who comes out of nowhere, to drain some 3s; and shows Wright that he doesn't have to shoot every 5 seconds for the team score, in fact Wright doesn't even need to be in the game. Which gave Bracey the much needed boost to start, passing the ball, huh?, and hitting some open shots. Even Roberts takes some easy lay ups and a lot of minutes for Leach, who played good offense with a couple dunks and the hook shot. Finally and as always, much love to AJ with 19.

If they play like today, they can defeat Illinois...Easy. The question is did they learn anything??
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Swing by viewaskew.com and check out Ben Affleck interviewing Kevin Smith about the (still) impending release of Jersey Girl, J-Lo, Gigli, motherly thoughts on Clerks, yada yada. I have a sneaking suspicion that Jersey Girl may suck.

As a side note, does anyone know anything about this alleged documentary about Jason Muse getting off of heroin? It was supposed to be aired on HBO at some point, but as of now I've heard nothing new about it.
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Some of you may remember a contest that was held in 1997 in which one lucky fan could win a replieca of the Simpson's house. The house was built in the town of Springfield, Nevada. The winner of the house was a 63-year old retired factory worker named Barbara Howard. Apparantly the woman is a frequesnt contest winner of among other things, a diamond ring and Walmart shopping spree. An excerpt from a news article reads:

"The Simpson House is painted a vibrant yellow and baby blue -- both inside and out. Power orange, generator green, jazz age coral and pink flamingo colors adorn furniture, walls and floors inside. Even Bart's swing set and Homer's barbecue in the backyard are painted brilliantly"

Check out pictures and video here.
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After this I promise no more posts about porn for at least a few weeks. That said, you gotta check out this site that takes a look at all of the accidental porn found in video games over the years. The "King" of all accidental porn is without a doubt the boxing game Ring King. You'd be surprised just how much hot oral, backdoor, gangbang, and self-love action there is in the world of video games.


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Via The Morning News, check out these incredible photos of the English countryside from photographer David J. Osborn. These prints aren't from your disposable panaoramic camera that's f'damn sure.
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No, I just woke up this way. Merry Christmas, Ma. For all of my friends and those that don't know me. They can see what I look like. Well, of course those that haven't seen me in a while can think this. How have I changed?? I think the US has made me fatter. haha. Anyway, I just thought some of you out there might enjoy this. Lata.

Yes that is a Hick on the left.
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Credible excuse-making lands creedence in a Romanian technology company. A new phone software can imitate background noises while you talk. New Scientist has the story here.

SounderCover gives you the ability to add a background sound to any incoming or outgoing call, giving the impression that you really are in the environment where the background sound is normally heard.

Hat tip to Feces Flinging Monkey via Marginal Revolution.
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As it stands, the finest scene in any Kevin Smith flick thus far is (IMO) the scene from Clerks in which Randall orders a list of new porn titles for the video store, most noteably "Big Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum." In honor of the momentous scene I encourage you to scope out the 100 Worst Porn Titles of All Time, along with some hilarious commentary. Here's just a few of my favorites:

AMATEURS ONLY #129 - I'M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE - Some people like poo, so maybe I shouldn't have included this one. What can I say, it just has a certain poetry to it.

MOULIN SPLOOGE - You saw this one coming ...

TITALLICA - MASTER OF PUPPIES - Puppies ? Puppies ?!!

SEX STARVED FUCK SLUTS #22 - STINKY WHITE WOMEN - Why would you want to have sex with somebody who is stinky ? You are a puzzle, sir.
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Give it up to SUB POP Records!! Da shiznit on Indie fo'eva. Balee dat. Click A much betta website, with new mp3 downloads (The Elected - Greetings in Braille). And with my new found love of Ugly Cassanova, Holopaw (just bought, da bomb), Iron and Wine, Postal Service, even David Cross!! West Coast brings it all. Sure maybe they're cds are $12 instead of $10 but that only means that there is no substitute..(not even fo a double cheeseburger)..for quality. Matador House of Quality...whateva...Low-Cost Shit...Yes. Dis is West Coast vs. East Coast, foo. Old school shiznit. Who you sidin wit? Oh ya, and Hix's modazahoar.
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Swing by this site to play some internet versions of classic arcade and atari games like Pac Man, Space Invaders, Tetris, Donky Kong, Missle Defense, and all the other classics. All time tetris champ: my pops with 232 lines. Step up or sit down.
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(via Gawker) You'd think an oscar-winning actress would at least be able to afford a decent pipe.

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There's no plan to make a habit of advertising for other people on this blog, but I thought I would mention some bargains on good music from a great record label. Matador Records, home of Pavement, Yo La Tengo, Belle & Sebastian, Jon Spencer, and Guided by Voices to name a few, has recently expanded there selection of low-cost direct order CDs. You can get some great music for $8-10, so go check out what they have, get some new jams, and save yourself a few bucks.

Matador Records
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I would just like to say ahhhh. That's right kids it's gonna be 75 degrees outside today. No more bitter air and clenched shoulders, spring is all up in this motherfucker. I'm also using this post to show off some 1990s era technology that I just got hip to - screenshot software (Jared - if will fulfill all your porn-saving needs). Snap a picture of anything on the screen and save it as a jpg, gif or whateva. That said - stop reading this post, go outside, and start catching up on all that pent up frolicking and skipping-about that you missed out on this winter.
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Here is a novel innovation in the pub entertainment niche: Movieoke. That's right, people get up and act out scenes from their favorite movies while those scenes are projected on a screen behind them. It's in limited locations currently, but apparently the demand is high. Karaoke can be fun, but my take is that this is the kind of thing I do anyway among friends, and those movie buffs who are so inclined do so as well.

There's a joke about Japanese businessmen doing scenes from John Wayne movies in there somewhere.

Also, a perhaps post-modern approach to boredom is the StareMaster. I guess you can make anything into a contest.

Hat tip to Marginal Revolution.
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Thanks to Microsoft, pretty soon we won't have remember a damn thing. Currently in development is a necklace-style camera device that will take 2,000 snapshots over a 12-hour period, capturing each and everything a person does during a day. (read the full article) The company has plans to integrate face-recognition software into the gadget as well, so that we will no longer have to wonder why that one person looks so damn familiar. That's right, cellphone camera's were only the beginning. Soon every last shred of privacy will be forever-documented by digital imagery. I'd be interested to see what the ACLU thinks of this. Enjoy privacy while you have it, because it'll be gone before long.
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Last year marked the hallowed (if a bit self-important and short-lived) reunion of The Police. Every year features some pretty solid performances of perennial chart toppers as well as weekly favored flavors who somehow got on the short list.

Regardless of the lineup, I'm most excited about this year's Rock + Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony because one of my favorite musicians, Steve Winwood, will be inducted as part of his early project Traffic. I'm a Steve Winwood fan -- I celebrate his entire catalog...except for the whole "Higher Love" period.

Nota Bene: Check out Winwood's latest release, "About Time," if you're at all inclined. It contains very sparse arrangements (counter to the self-indulgent progressivity of Traffic) but is pretty much all straight/Latin grooves, with Karl Denson on four of the tracks, to boot.
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For those of us who've ever suspected potential cat in our chinese food, please check out this hilarious flash video (with sound). I can assure you that if you ever ate at Mark Pi's China Express on Carmel Drive in Carmel (during the mid-nineties) than you most certainly did eat cat. The restaurant was closed (and eventually renamed China Express) after health officials found cats in the freezer. I was a victim, but that's not to say I didn't enjoy the food, which is also not to say that I ever ate there again.

Now take a guy like Ian Donnoe, who goes to Bloomington's own China Buffet with the very intention of eating what he likes to call "Cat Riblets." Cat riblets are a strange purple mystery meat on a bone, and let me tell you... they nasty. Ian, you a nasty man.
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It's time to take your dick out of the mashed potatos kids because according to the Beastie Boys mailing list (and via Pitchfork), it appears that the Beastie Boys have finally announced the follow-up release to 1998's Hello Nasty. The Beasties plan to let the beat mmmm drop sometime this June, but an offical release date and track list have yet to be annouced. My question to you is can the Beastie Boys do it again? If you take their most recently released track - 2003's anti-war statement "In a World Gone Mad" - my answer would be no. However, that tune was clearly the result of something the Boys decided to throw together and get out quickly as an immediate reaction to the war in Iraq. Typically speaking, they take their time in the studio and put together solid tracks and albums - therefore I think you have to expect much more than the hastely-assembled "In a World Gone Mad." You can listen to, and download that track here. To me the Beastie Boys are the most important group of the 1990's, if not our entire generation. Alongside a select few like the Beatles & Zeppelin, the Beastie Boys are one of those rare groups where it's nearly impossible to pick a favorite release and stick with it. What should we, or do we expect from this new release?
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It looks like Dave is once again the winner of Gigawatts Pick'em, scoring a 4/6. I can't believe that no one chose Sean Penn as best actor - and that so many of us actually thought Bill Murray would snag it. As for the rest who made choices (Alison, Aaron & Myslef), we all scored a 3/6.

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I've decided to start a new feature here on the Watts - a download of the week. Under the section titled "Your Kids Are Gonna Love It" you'll find an unnamed download available, as well as a date for when it was most recently updated (or changed). Basically it's an easy way for me to say "Yo dudes and dudettes, check out this song." I won't be listing the group or track name in hopes that it will keep me out of trouble with the RIAA. You'll just have to download the track and give it a spin. If you like it, drop me an email and I'll be happy to tell you what it is and where to find it.

Also, I will occasionally have to lower the sampling rate in order to get the track under 3mb (the blogger upload max), so the quality may not always be supreme, but certainly listenable.
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Ahh the red carpet. It's so funny to watch the stars roll in and get hounded by all infotainment types (Chris Connelly, etc.) who ask horrible questions and throw out even more ridiculous comments. My favorite part was when one of the reporters interviewed Alec Baldwin, and after about 45 seconds of horrid-questioning Alec literally told the dude "I'm done with this." Then the reporter actually had balls to lean over baldwin so he could interview Sandra
Bullock. I thought Baldwin was gonna have his nuts removed. Anyway, the show was pretty typical. The pre-show buzz seemed to be a little tame, as pretty much everyone expected LOtR to walk away with everything (as it did). Did anyone catch the Ben Stiller / Owen Wilson pre-show interview? It twas a classic Stiller / Wilson comedic exchange. One plus - Charlize. What did you dislike about the awards?
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