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9.29.2005

Bobby Martin in Dayton? 


Something that is actually commendable, unlike oh Willie Beaman down there. This is completely and utterly amazing. Yes this is real. This guy Bobby Martin has some drive and determination. I mean, wow, that is a feat beyond anything I think I could accomplish.

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9.28.2005

Straight Peepin' 

Pardon my interruption but I have some very important information for all of you. I recently found a diamond in the rough that was 1994, a year filled with musical misfires like NIN's The Downward Spiral, NAS' Illmatic and Nirvana's so-called Unplugged, and it comes courtesy of one Mr. Jamie Foxx. That's right people, I'm talking about a delicious little treat known as Peep This.

Right from the outset this impassioned musical wonder goes on like baby oil, starting with the title track "Peep This," and if you're like me you should do exactly that. After the playful tease "Infatuation" the album reaches its climatic apex as Foxx opens his heart and delivers "Baby, Don't Cry," and if you're like me... you'll do just that. Each song continues to fuel the orgasmic sensations just as Foxx commands that we "Don't Let the Sun (Go Down on Our Love)," and if you're like me... you'll wish you could go down on yourself right about then. "Peep this OUT" closes and reminds you that Jamie has just had his way with you and he will be leaving now. RECOMMENDED!

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A Better Phone Company 

Suited towards our true NEEDS. Fighting Homosexuality!!

Check out this link from the Village Voice in a post called God called, He hates homosexuals.

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9.27.2005

Treat Your Car to some Primo 

Wha? Prices for schwag gas keep going up yet Plus still costs 10 cents more than regs, and Primo still costs 10 cents more than Plus. Why waste your money buying something that's stepped-on? Shit, you already pay $3 a gallon, may as well treat your car to the Super-Hydropon-Chron of gasolines by going plus or even premium.

Sure, I know as much about cars as I know about getting high on life, but I do know that not all engines have the tolerance to burn Premium style-ige. You don't want to be giving the top-grade stuff to a car that can't handle itself in a crowded public place, if you know what I'm saying. Still, Plus gasoline burns slower than schwag gas and that means prolonged enjoyment for you and your r-HIGH-d. So remember if your car starts to go "puff puff" but doesn't "give," you might want think about stepping up your game. Don't forget to carwash at least once a month.

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Brownie You're Doin a Heck of a Job 

Blackie, you don't look so good.

So Brown, the former leader of FEMA who resigned because he was going to be fired, is defending himself and FEMA's response by blaming the local governments. Bullshit as usual, I am sure that they will continue to try to exploit the only out. What I hate is this:

Brown said: "Those are not FEMA roles. FEMA doesn't evacuate communities. FEMA does not do law enforcement. FEMA does not do communications."

Then what the hell does Federal Emergency Management Agency stand for?? I thought, that just maybe, managing emergencies included all things that are necessary. But it turns out, FEMA's roles have nothing to do with necessity, just to stand back, be praised, and receive medals.

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9.24.2005

Albums To Blow Ye Mind... 

Yup...figure I'd drop some decent music on ye fags...

Sigur Ros - Takk

This shit rocks my world. It's Sigur Ros, so you know it's good. But they actually pretend they're a band now, so...they're, uh, like a band. Great music from an outfit that has haunted me since I first encountered them. I demanded they be played at my bro's funeral and my wedding...and played they were. Best "band" in the history of mankind.

DJ? Acucrack - Killing Mobius

After releasing Mako vs Geist...alot of DJ?A fans were displeased with the straightforward drum 'n' bass route. So...within a year, the CrackNation crew put out a new DJ?A album, going back to the roots of electronica experimentalism. This shit is the mega...sounding like a cross between Dieselboy, Prodigy & The Crystal Method. A must have for lovers of electronics.

Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine

Man...one of my unabashedly favorite bands. Yeah, I know they suck, but I love em. So...anywho...first album in at least 4 years. It really blows. And I'm upset. There's a good track here and there though. Expected a lot more though... The cover's digusting as one might suspect.

Paul McCartney - Chaos and Creation in the Backyard

Two Words...Nigel Godrich. Should be...Nigel fuckin Godrich. This man's a genious. He made Beck, an artist I thought no more than average into a genious (Sea Change), and Radiohead (Kid A, OK Computer, Amnesiac) an iconic legend, and can take a fag like Pauly and make him badass. Kudos Nigel. If I ever make a shitty album, Godrich is producing it.

Future Sound Of London - Alice In Ultraland

Haven't heard it yet...comes out Tuesday. But, if like The Isness, 'twill blow minds. AND, via EMI, they've released this on Harvest Records...a sublabel that has been extinct since Syd Barret's day. How fuckin cool is that? FSOL seriously rules.

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9.22.2005

News around the World - Crazy Edition - Gambia 

I will just post the article on this one. It is not too long and speaks for itself.

Airliner Fakes Emergency So Passengers Can Watch Soccer Game

LIMA, Peru (AP) -- A chartered jet carrying 289 Gambian soccer fans pretended it needed to make an emergency landing so they could watch their team compete in the FIFA Under 17 World Championships, officials said Wednesday.

The plane, claiming to be low on fuel, landed Tuesday near the stadium in Peru's northern coast city of Piura.

"It truly was a scam," said Betty Maldonado, a spokeswoman for Peru's aviation authority, CORPAC. "They tricked the control tower, saying they were low on fuel."

Emergency crews were scrambled ahead of the unscheduled landing by the Lockhead L1011 Tri-Star, owned by Air Rum Ltd., Maldonado said.

The Air Rum plane, which she said was chartered by Gambian President Yahya Jammeh, should have made its approach to the capital, Lima, but instead flew directly to Piura, entering Peruvian air space "without permission."

The passengers were permitted to attend African team's 3-1 victory over Qatar on Tuesday night, she added, but the plane remained in Piura on Wednesday while authorities determined what penalty, if any, to levy against the airline.

Gambian newspaper Daily Observer reported on its Web page Wednesday that the group of fans had been delayed for a week in a hotel in the small West African nation and were forced Friday to watch their country's victory over Brazil on television.

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News around the World - Crazy Edition 

I've decided I might start a new segment that deals with the crazy shit that happens all over the world. Of course, with my here today gone tomorrow posting record who knows how it will last. But, I will start with a double take courtesy of Ben.

First, Dutch News:

It appears as if there is a new talk-show proposal in The Netherlands. The show which will be titled, "Shoot up & Swallow", wants to feature a reporter's on air freebasing of heroin and then all the 'bad' shit that happens to him, while the hostess does interviews on drugs and so forth. Further shows will feature the same guy on LSD and other choice drugs. I guess it is supposed to preach the bad effects of all of these drugs to the young population who will be using them.

In my opinion, this is some badass, righteous TV. Others may say over the top and there will always be that argument between hiding someone's (children's) eyes and ears or bring everything out into the open (prevention by knowledge). We all know the Dutch are far more progressive in this area.

Feature Quote: By the Justice Ministry spokesman Ivo Hommes, "The actual taking of drugs is a health problem, not a criminal act."

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9.21.2005

Is Google showing some DISSENT? 



Go to Google and search Failure!! You can press I'm Feeling Lucky, or just go to the first available link at the top of the page.

You kids will definitely LOVE this.

In addition, I have finalized all of my China applications and acceptance. I have yet to figure out exactly where I will be going but Suzhou is my choice. Let's hope I get it, it is an awesomely badass place. Check out some pics and more at the link.

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Now, Officially, We're #1 

Thank you Carolina Panthers! That's right dudes, we have a new team atop ESPN's weekly power rankings, and this team does not call Pennsylvania home. The Horse defense is unstoppable right now, allowing a stingy league low of 5 points per game.

Two weeks in, how about some picks for division winners.

AFC
East - New England (12-4)
West - San Diego (11-5)
North - Pittsburgh (13-3)
South - Indianapolis (14-2)

NFC
East - Philadelphia (12-4)
West - Seattle (11-5)
North - Chicago (9-7)
South - Carolina (11-5)

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9.20.2005

Cast Me In Your Movie 

Between riding the train to and from work, and the over-abundance of foot time, much of my typical day is spent staring at total strangers. This got really boring after a while until I invented a new game, whereby I pass judgement on strangers by deciding where I would cast them in a movie. For instance, should I pass these folks on the street I might say to myself...

"You my friend, just missed the cut to play the human warlord, Xur in the remake of the classic 80s flick, The Last Starfighter. Don't get your hopes up though, there's still a good chance we can place you as a troll or some kind of mutated ogre. Read this script - I know they're still looking for the right guy to play 'Man with Knife' in the first scene, third act."

"Nope, sorry man, they're not remaking Revenge of the Nerds, and even if they were, Curtis Armstrong is still a shoe-in to reprise his role as Dudley 'Booger' Dawson. I've got a Certs commercial here, and I want you to be my man with the stanky breath."


"At Ka-chunka Video we love the bride-thing. In fact, 'the industy,' has been obsessed with the whole bride-thing lately. How long have you been working in 'the industry?' I don't see your qualifications here; are you a licensed D.V.D.A.?


"Ok, give me your best cartwheel. Nevermind that, pretend I'm a contestant here on SlimeTime, and damnit I want prizes. That was good - now run full speed at that screen door."




See, it's easy. Try it out for yourself sometime.

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9.19.2005

Check It: new Boards of Canada 

All I gotta say, 3:06 mark in this song is maybe the most precise and agressive use of delay effects I have ever heard. This is one of those tracks that just washes over you and makes you feel like you're back in school trying some new drug for the first time.

Boards of Canada - "Dayvan Cowboy"

Donnoe this track is ALL YOU, my friend.

Unfortunatly, I'm not blown away by the rest of the new Boards disc, The Campfire Headphase. It's a little too reliant on atmospherics, and short on heavy, dense beats (like this song). I just prefer a little more snap-crackle-pop when I'm staring at my shoes. You be the judge:

Boards of Canada - The Campfire Headphase

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Back in Black 

After a thorough lament of In The Congo, I have decided to re-enter the Hearts and Minds business. Check my latest work at:

brightideasfordarktimes.blogspot.com

See you there... Byron

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9.16.2005

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood 



Thanks to Matt for sending this along. Sure, it's as fake as they come, but is it really out of the question?

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9.15.2005

Katrina Photos 

Someone at work forwarded these photos of Katrina coming ashore. It's amazing how something so awful could be so beautiful. Check them out at my flickr page.



Give to the Red Cross.

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... then we Introduced a 5th Blade for Superior Skin Removal 

Sure, it's completely against blogging ethics to jock someone else's post, but the Perfect Face for Radio really hit the nail on the head with this one. Any Onion fan will remember the classic article where Gillette says "Fuck Everything," and releases the 5-blade razor. An excerpt:
The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened - the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.
Who said the Onion was satire? Say hello to Gilette's latest innovation, the 5-blade, Fusion. All this non-sense reminds me of the classic SNL spoof featuring an 18-some blade razor... “The fourteenth blade cleanly removes your sub-dermal layer..."

That said, I still think that disposable twin blade razors are the way to go. Of course, my pre-pubescent / inverted Teen Wolf facial hair growth rate only requires me to shave about once every full moon, so I might be wrong. Still, I've tried out replaceable blades and they don't seem to last much longer.

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9.12.2005

Tear Down the Walls 

Paper-thin Walls, last updated: 1 month, 17 days, 4 hours, and 38 minutes. R.I.'m'f'n'P.

It's about time Ali and Shan brought us something new: Lipstick on your Teeth



Out with the old, in with two gals working together to make an ass out of the lot of us. Read, enjoy, BOOKMARK!

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9.08.2005

It's Keith's World 

Let's face it, Kool Keith is hip-hop's equiavelent of the alternate 1985 in Back to the Future II; a veritable rift in the space-time continuum. Boston's Weekly Dig has an interview that drops hints at just how far-out, yet mysteriously poignant teh guy can be. Check it, then buy all of his records. For those with Netflix or a little extra cash for DVDs, DON'T MISS his priceless commentary in the official Kool Keith DVD, Global Enlightenment Vol. 1.

A few of my favorite excerpts from the interview are below. This guy is off in his own world and me likey.
So what’s an average day for Kool Keith like?
I get up and record about six or seven songs. Then I go and buy a pair of Michael Jordan sneakers. Then I go get me a Katz hot dog. Then I go to Macy’s and cop a shirt and a tie. Then I go peep a movie. Then I go buy me one DVD—porn, Rocco. Then I write maybe four or five more songs and go home.

You started doing different shit even before everybody was on the same shit. What was your motivation in the beginning?
...they say you’ve got to play notes A-B-C-D-E, and I don’t even do that shit. I was the first guy to say fuck it—let’s do A-B-G-F-X.

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9.07.2005

The Flux Capacitor: Capacitating? 

Are the ideas and posts flowing once again at the Watts? Have the Paper-Thin Walls of our sister blog crumbled? Will Batman ever get out alive?

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George Bush doesn't care about black people. 

Well, this is the greatest clip I have seen in a long time. I'm sure you have all seen it, but if you haven't, here it is:

Mike Myers looks like he just watched a baby get run over by a truck through this whole thing, but make sure you watch all the way to the end so you can see Chris Tucker's face when the camera goes on him after Kanye's little show. Priceless.

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Football Pick'Em 

This was fun last year when a total of THREE of us played, so let's do it again. Sign up for NFL pick'em and we'll see who really knows their shit this year. Hit up this page and click "Join existing group." All are invited and encouraged to allow me to win. The info you will need:

Group Name: Giga-Pick
Group ID #: 36620
Password: gigawatts

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Waxing on Today's Apple Rollout 

Drrrrrrrr... Steve Jobs is gearing up for a press conference today to annouce some kind of highly anticpated (as usual) new gadget, service, or more likely an interseciton of the two. A lot of folks around the internets seem to think that Apple and Motorola will be rolling out the iTunes phone that has been rumored in recent months. Check out Gizmodo for a look back at all of the mock-up iTunes Phones that geeks have been using to stimulate themselves in unusual and often violent ways.

To me, if some "new phone" is the exciting rollout, such an annoucement is highly meh. Get back to me when we have mp3 capabilities, streaming video, videophone integration, full web access, GPS integration with Google Maps, AND preloaded 10 megapixel photos of _____'s mother.

Also, Engadget has some interesting insight it to how mp3 player capacity is vastly under-used. The average mp3 player owner, iPod or not, is carrying 375 songs, despite the 5,000 song capacity of the basic 20gb iPod.

What about all those asinine post-holiday season boasts of, "I've got 2,000 SONGS on my iPod"? With this new phone, what will become of those who find new and exciting ways of wrapping their white earbuds around their head, or those that rock their iPod in belt pouch so that the world may bathe in their aura of cool? Your lease on hip is up people.


UPDATE: The verdict is out. As expected Motorola is releasing an iTunes phone, it holds up to 100 songs (unless you listen to Jam bands, in which case it holds 4 songs), and isn't terribly impressive. Also released is the new iPod Nano(right), which was brought on to replace the iPod Mini. It's crazy small, sort of fugly, and way too expensive. The best buy is still the standard 20gb pod, IMO. Lastly, iTunes 5.0 was introduced. Nothing much new here other than a slightly more sleek interface and a shuffle that adapts to "mood," which I can only assume is another word for the horribly inaccurate "genre" data that we waste hours cleaning up.

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9.06.2005

Sophmore Slump, or Trump? 

Here are a few albums that are due for release or recently released that some of you might want to check out. I am particularly fond of this new set from Architecture in Helsinki, a group that, along with Mars Volta, best defines the new breed and direction of Prog. If you like the Fiery Furnaces, or would like them if they weren't so damned A.D.D.'d out, Architecture are the droids you're looking for. Also included here are a bunch of highly anticipated follow-ups to breakthrough albums. Enjoy ya' bastards!

Metric - Live It Out
Broken Social Scene - Self-titled
Kanye West - Late Registration
Sigur Ros - Takk
Mars Volta - Frances the Mute
Gorillaz - Demon Days
Iron & Wine - Woman King EP
Architecture in Helsinki - In Case We Die
Sufjan Stevens - Illinois

Also, don't forget these oldies-but-goodies:

Ugly Cassanova - Sharpen Your Teeth
AC Newman - The Slow Wonder
Wilco - Summerteeth
Elliott Smith - XO
The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
Primus - Sailing the Seas of Cheese

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