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2.28.2006

Vote or Giga-die 

I'm happy to annouce that our first edition of the new sidebar segment, "I can't give you a tab unless you ordered something," was an incredible success. The people have turned out to show how they feel about the new look Gigawatts and I'm proud to annouce that that a majority (59%) support the aesthetic direction of this blog! Thanks to all NINE of you.

As for the six of you that voted for "Totally gay," thank you for that as well. Here at the 1.21 we foster an environment that builds bridges; we don't burn them. Some of us burn other things.

So then... this whole "Can't give you a tab" thing must continue on. How about some ideas for future polls? Nowak, I expect you to bring some kind of silly shit, and I welcome... as for the rest of yuhs... start participatin'.


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2.27.2006

Gay marryin' NO - Cousin' Marryin' YES! 

Did you know that it's legal to marry your cousin in 19 states? Call off the weddin' Scotty!

What's even more interesting is this list of famous cousin' marryers. Einstein? Darwin? Giuliani? All your favorites!

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More IU Jibba Jabba 

One thing is for sure, that win against Michigan State yesterday: HUGE. What was Tom Izzo thinking running that man-to-man defense, especially with Matt Trannon out. Doesn't Izzo know that IU can't beat a zone? What's more amazing is that IU hit their threes against the m2m. We can't hit open threes against a zone all year and all of the sudden we're burying them left and right with a hand in the face? Word to that.

CBS' Seth Davis said that Indiana would be going to the tournament with a win against MSU. I think everyone has pretty much concluded that Seth is out his damn mind making statements like that. There's no question that IU needs to take at least one of the next two road games to stand a chance.

Even with a first round exit from the Big Ten tourney, I think IU will be in as long as they take one of the next two on the road. Many would probably disagree with me (that we need two more wins to be a lock), but let me tell you why I think this.

There's a good chance CBS pulls some weight with the NCAA selection committee. If the Super Bowl and World Series are any indication, ratings rely heavily on the ability for a network to promote an underlying story. The resignation of Mike Davis is probably one of the top 3 NCAA stories this year, and by giving IU a chance to "win one for the gipper" CBS has a chance to milk this and instill some homegrown drama in to tourney time. Afterall, the Final Four is in Indianapolis this year. March Madness is about beating the odds, and I think CBS realizes they have a journalistic goldmine on their hands with the Davis / IU situation.

If a 16-12 record is a coin flip, it's one we'll win for this reason alone. Not to mention, Davis hasn't ruled out the chance that DJ could return, which certainly ups the ante.

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2.24.2006

Daytona de toilette 

For men who who like NASCAR, and like to smell like something, I give you Daytona 500 Cologne.

What's up with that bottle? There's a notable lack of checkered flags and loud orange lettering. Does it at least come wrapped in some kind of miniature pit crew jacket? Can I get a Budweiser logo embossed on mine?

Furthermore, what the hell does it smell like, exhaust? Marlboro butts and stale High Life? Somebody ask Scott. I'm sure he'll tell you, "It's smells like... uhh... rubbin's racin'!"

What about the marketing campaign for this stuff? What kind of tagline might we except? Nowak, I nominate you to provide us with some possibilities.

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2.23.2006

Gumble Bee gets bitch swatted 

How does Bryant Gumble get off saying...
"Try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention."
I'm glad someone has the courage to put this pompous, posturing prick in his place (check out the slapping at ESPN.com). Not to go on a racial diatribe here but when are people like Gumble going to stop to consider that such boycotts do little more than reinforce the idea that atheletes exist as a group gifted racial backgrounds instead of group of gifted talents that just happen to be black, white or otherwise?

On top of that his insinuation that there is some kind of conspiracy in the Winter Olympics is baffling. Has he ever looked at the numbers? Is there even one black curler out there?

I'll argue that we're not all meant to be one big race -- that cultural diversity should and must be maintained. Still, I have no doubt that the majority of the world is colorblind when it comes to sport. There's a time and a place to play the race card, Bryant.

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2.22.2006

Photo Memories, part deucer 


Being that this is the first post that I have put on the legendary Watts, I thought it should be a good one. I figured it wouldn't be to hard since most of the time we get to hear about Teddy wondering around some ski town looking for the Gnar Gnar, and these are always soon followed with some anti-capitalism/political diatribe from Aaron.

I wanted to make my first post one that would be remembered. The lesson to be learned here is you better not be the first one to pass out. Just ask Haag, or in this case Mr. Malone. This picture was from Casey's bachelor party. A friendly reminder, Casey's marriage was a complete train wreck and ended before the year was out (no offense Ian.) Let us remember that the last person who got the famed quadruple salute had a wife who walked out on him. Beware.

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2.21.2006

Photo Memories 

I'd like to start a new feature here on the Watts. Yes, the kind of regular feature that, with time, becomes, well... regular. That means all y'all need to join in. I'm talking about photo memories. Yes people, it's about reliving our formative olden days. My first feature: Drunken Olympics circa Spring 2003.


(L to R: Jared "Walk-a-shame!" Connor, Mike "Where's my DVDs" Cake, Dan "Nice freakin' Sweater" Comiskey, "The Elixer" Hixer, " Teddy "Eh, so lazy" Parker-Renga, & Ronen "Teva Spooge Edition" Galor)

If I remember correctly Jared won this edition of the drunken olympics despite being docked three points for having sex with some rando-chick during competitive play. Of course I believe that penalty was offset by the bonus three points he received for vomiting during said competitive play. Events included, but were not limited to:

1. golf ball chip in to baby pool
2. cooler toss
3. pissing contest (for volume, not time)

Ah the days.

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Guns cometh? 

Stereogum has the latest goods on the album that brings a new definition to the word anticipated -- Guns'n'Roses near decade-in-the-making, Chinese Democracy. First up a couple samples of leaked tracks that are likely to be included:

"Better" - just a sample from what sounds like an un-mixed cut
"Madagascar" - live cut from a few years back, this track definitely has the feel of Guns' more epic Illusion-era stuff.

I'm surprised to hear that this stuff actually sounds, surprisingly, like old GNR. Talk is abound that C.D. will see release this year, and considering the fact that tracks are starting to leak I believe it (when I see it, of course). The only question, will anyone care? My money is on yes. This disc won't need a publicity push -- there are too many people in line waiting to see what the man puts out there. On top of that, I think critics have moved away from the notion that they are going to tear this record apart -- simply too much time has passed. My guess is that it comes out, two or three singles get significant classic / hard rock radio airplay, the label moves three million units (half of those on curiosity alone) and in the end it is considered commerical failure (minding the fact that literally millions of dollars have been spent on production) yet an artistic triumph.

We gotta talk about this new logo too... wow. I mean, I know the Axe-man is going for a facelift and all but one glance at this logo and I thought I was playing the Chinese version of Shinobi.

BONUS: The 2002 Super-8 Featurette, Have You Seen Axel Rose?

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2.20.2006

So Ka-blamo! 

Just in case any ya'll didn't know, I'm referring you to this site. Andy Samberg of SNL used to make videos with two of his buddies in California. The videos were purely homemade and with no forseeable revenue attached. Vut to a couple years later, and Andy is a cast member on SNL, and his two partners are hired on as writers.
Their videos are very much in the general idiom of the runaway smash "Chronic-les of Narnia." SNL already seems to have realized how popular these musical shorts are and so hopefully will be airing more of them. But in the meantime, the shit these guys came up with before is pure hilarity.

Their one minute parody of the Ying Yang Twins' "Whisper Song" gets me going, but for starters, I would recommend my favorite video: Ka-Blamo! The previous comments about the quality of beats and flow in the "Lazy Sunday" video are "double true" in this one.

Here's some bits
they put together as part of a pilot for Fox called Awesometown (which was subsequently turned down).

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2.16.2006

Puerta Vallarta, Mexico 



Enjoy the below freezing temperatures, beaches. I'll be here and enjoying
this and the Mexicano wei beaches on the beaches.

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2.14.2006

We gotta talk about Davis 

I know, I know. More Indiana basketball. Deal. By now those who care have probably heard or read what Mike Davis said in his interview with Andy Katz over the weekend:“
"Indiana needs to have one of their own. They need to have somebody that's played here so they can embrace him. ”
There's no question that Indiana has spent the better part of two weeks snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, and Coach Davis' sentiments certainly reflect the desire to step down peacefully at the end of the season, regardless of the outcome.

First, I will say that Davis is right when he says that fan hostility is having a negative impact on the players. It's unfortunate, but Indiana has some fans that would rather make Assembly Hall a tough place to play when the team is suffering. That's not right, but it demonstrates that IU clearly needs another coach with an impulsive temper. Yes someone like Knight, who can symbolize the frustrations of the fans and do the yelling for us.

So who's the guy? I'm not on the Steve Alford bandwagon. I don't think he'll be able to keep Indiana recruits in-state, and I think his rather mediocre winning percentage of .589 at Iowa is an accurate reflection of his abilities as a coach. Plus, he's indicated that he was unhappy with the way IU treated Coach Knight and has no interest in coming back to Coach. If we need one of our own who else could it be?

I don't think an alum is the answer at all. If I had my choice of coach right now I'd take John Calipari from Memphis. The guy coaches with a head of steam and Memphis has been pulling some serious weight in Conf. USA over recent years. It's time Calipari stepped in to the big leagues and I think IU should grab him while they can. We need a coach that other coaches want to kill.

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2.09.2006

Watch this 

Dudes -- believe me when I say that THIS is the funniest video I have ever seen on the internet. It's a shot-by-shot live re-creation of the Nintendo classic, Mike Tyson's Punch Out! Required viewing for all. Be sure to watch it with sound.


BONUS: my top 5 NES titles

1. The Legend of Zelda
2. Mike Tyson's Punch Out!
3. Tecmo Bowl
4. Metroid
5. Al Unser Jr.'s Turbo Racing (the dark horse)

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One big-ole pile of fuck-it 

I never thought I'd say it, but the Hoosiers actually looked worse last night than they did all last season. Aside from Calloway and Wilmont, this team has no heart and no will to win. We should start getting used to that idea that Indiana is not going to make the tournament, not losing 4 out of the last 5 the way we have; 13 to Iowa, 19 to Minnesota, 8 to UConn (the game was hardly that close) and 18 to Wisconsin. This team looks like one heaping (and steaming) pile of dog shit. Here is an outline of Indiana's offensive scheme:

Ball at halfcourt:
Ia. Shoot three before anyone is in rebounding position
- Option 1: Pass the ball, do not attempt to create a lane to basket
Ib. Drop the ball in to Killingworth
- Option 1: Killingsworth bobbles ball, turns it over
- Option 2: Killingsworth misses one-foot turnaround
- Option 3: Killingsworth passes the ball out to perimeter
--- 3a. Ball is intercepted, thrown out, deflected
--- 3b. Open man catches, misses three, and creates easy transition basket

The only way Mike Davis can hold on as coach is to make to make the Elite 8. On top of that we'll probably lose DJ White to a transfer once they can Davis. Since 10 losses is the max we can afford exactly two more, and Penn State is no gimmie.

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2.08.2006

New MNF Cast 

Today ESPN announced the new booth team for next year's Monday Night Football games, with Mike Tirico and Joe Theismann moving over from Sunday Night Football. The BIG addition is my homey Tony Kornheiser filling the Paul McGuire vacancy.

I love the addition of Kornheiser, but it's unfortunate that 2/3 of the worst broadcast team in recent memory are moving in to the MNF spot. Is it me or is Tirico just abrasive to the ear? His constant (false) urgency and overuse of words like "great" and "huge" make me wonder if Commandant Lassard is calling the damn game. Theismann gets more robotic each year with his incessant "I talked with _____ yesterday and he told me..." Kornheiser will bring some intelligent analysis to the lineup, which is long overdue.

Even though Al Michaels is likely headed to NBC I would still rather see him in the booth with Korny. Shit, throw in Clark Kellogg while you're at it. Let me use this forum to again confirm that Clark Kellogg is my main man. The guy could break down a game of Scrabble and I'd be spellbound.

Sit tight kids, football season is only seven... months... away.

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2.07.2006

1.21 Brokebacka-watts! 

Making the rounds on the internets is a nice little mock trailer for Brokeback to the Future. My work computer is super janky and won't let me download a Flash update, so I can't watch it until I get home. From what I hear, there's a lot more than giant speakers that get blown in this film. Bada-bing!

Marty McFly, I wish I knew how to quit you!

Also, check out the Brokeback Top Gun trailer.

On a similar note, you might have seen this mock trailer for The Shining posted over on Lipstick in the last few months. If not check it out, you'll shit. Imagine if they had actually marketed the film this way back in 1980.

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2.04.2006

From Gnarnia: What would Jesus huck? 

What's up, gigabitches? Finally, one of ya'll is coming to visit. Jrizzle will be swinging through the Hole in mid-March and all are invited to join. Seriously, you guys need to come visit -- I'll be here at least another year. Mackey, have you still never seen snowcapped peaks? Aaron, why you such a bitch? Steve, we know why you're a bitch. Alas, I'm writing this post with an icepack on my knee: between the drunken bowling party accident last weekend, several more feet of fresh pow and hitting the off-the-roof jib at a party last night, my knee is spent. Recovery time is a few days.

In music news, TOOL is inking tour dates, the new album is slated for May and yours truly will be heading to the second day of Coachella to check 'em out. Since ya'll likely know the other acts better than I, any recommendations? Anyone want to join? I-diddy? Also, I'd like to give a special mention to the Procussions. These guys opened up for Digable Planets the other day and were pretty sick. They're from Colorado, but if they swing through your town check 'em out. Their disc "...And Iron Sharpens Iron" is good, too. Not stellar, but good.

For some local news, last week some dude jumped off a world record 245-foot cliff over by Grand Targhee. He's got a young daughter and said, "My wife was not impressed." You think?! The dude was a devout Christian and claimed he did it for God, which begs the question: What would Jesus huck?

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2.03.2006

XL 

What is the deal with people complaining about this Super Bowl; that it won't be a good game and what not? I mean I know it's no Ravens-Giants matchup sure, but it still looks pretty damn good on paper.

The press isn't helping either. They crave storylines, and just because the only things anyone has discussed in the last two weeks were (1) Bettis is coming home to Detroit or (2) Shawn Alexander has no personality, that doesn't mean this isn't going to be a great game.

You have two high-powered offenses AND both teams have playmakers on the defensive side of the ball. The media and the NFL (and the NBA, MLB, etc) are shooting themselves in the foot on yearly basis anymore. Just because a team isn't from a major market or doesn't have a player who runs his mouth like Terrell Owens doesn't mean the game is meaningless, it means that both sides need to learn how to build hype.

Step one, get rid of the week off. All that time away from football kills the momentum and makes even the best stories dry up in two days. Step two, the players need to start threatening to kill each other's children, they're part of this hype machine too. Step three, profit!

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The Fist List 

After a series of arguments sparked by Mike's claims about his precious wolves, The Fist List's format has now been officially changed. It is now host to debate over hypothetical battles between persons, places, and things. Click the link in The Watts link list to witness the first battle.

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Frey is to Coen, as... 

Quick weigh-on on James Frey and the whole Million Little Peices thing. I was watching the Coen's '96 classic Fargo the other night, and couldn't help but draw some comparisons. Remember that the Coens fooled us all when they ran this in the opening frames:
"This is a true story. The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred."
Moral of the story:
Fargo - there's more to life than a little money
Pieces - there's more to life than addiction

Honors:
Fargo - Best Picture nomination
Peices - Oprah Book Club / runaway best-seller

Public Reaction:
Fargo - "Loved it!" (most people probably still don't know)
Peices - "Fuck that Frey guy! Oprah you the man."

So if neither of these stories had much truth to them, why are the Coen's considered (by some) to be the creators of an American classic, while James Frey is in the shithouse? What if Oprah had been a Coen Brothers fan? (I could see the two of them sitting on the couch, stoned off their ass and giggling away as Oprah barades them)

Check out Snopes' take on Fargo for more information.

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2.01.2006

It's about time! 

After much strife and struggle the Congo has finally returned for good! Please update your links and bookmarks to point to http://www.inthecongo.org. It is now frsh with new links, stories and mp3 goodness. Check it!

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Welcome to Animal-dome 

Screw the top 5, for now we have more important subjects to tend to, such as the ultimate animal showdown. Let's set the scene by saying that technology doesn't exist, at all. It's purely one beast, or group of beasts left to fend for itself.

That said, I'm pretty sure that wolves could be catagorized as the most unstoppable of all animal forces on earth. Sure, you could make a case for lions, tigers, or even bears, but those animals travel in much smaller packs than wolves, which typically kick it in groups of ten to twenty. I'll argue that a pack of 20 wolves can take down any other pack of animals. You put a pack of 20 wolves in a locked room with 100 humans, the wolves win no doubt. Now sure, 10 lions taking on 10 wolves and I would probably go with the lions, but that's not how it is out there in my vision of the post-apocalyptic natureland. Lions travel in much smaller groups.

Now it gets more interesting when you consider the one-on-one matchups. Again, all the players are here: the bear, tiger, lion, possible yeti. These are all big, fierce sum-bitches. Still, the ultimate battle comes down to more than size and strength, it's about having quickness, agility, and the best secret move (think Ryu nad Ken from Street Fighter). That's why I have to go with the snake species, probably the python as the ultimate victor. They are quick, flexible, and well-disguised. On top of that, their secret move (the venom) can paralyze in a seconds. Now keep in mind, this is one-on-one. A python couldn't step to a pack of wolves, no way no how.

So there you have it. Wolves dominate all, but pythons are unstoppable in a cage-match style showdown. I should append this post by stating that I don't know the first thing about animals. Thank you!

UPDATE: check out Alison's recap of the dialogue that inspired Animal-dome.

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