give the man a chance 

Shame on Bob Kravitz and the Indianapolis Star for running this piece on Indiana's soon-to-be-named coach, Kelvin Sampson. Kravitz seems hellbent on ruining Sampson's Indiana career before he's even stepped off the plane. Exhibit A:
"Kelvin Sampson? Really? ... The same Kelvin Sampson who got out-coached by Mike Davis in the 2002 Final Four semifinal?"
First off, Mike Davis rarely out-coaches anyone. However, his players have been known step up and I think we all know that more than anything else it was emotion that carried Indiana past Oklahoma in the 2002 Final Four.
"The same Kelvin Sampson whose telephone misdeeds, however minor, earned his school an April 21 hearing before the NCAA Infractions Committee? Call them insignificant, but Oklahoma saw them as major enough to impose penalties on its program, including freezing Sampson's salary."
Now I realize that teams are not allowed to provide any gifts to potential recruits, even if it was just a damn t-shirt. This is not a major thing. Oklahoma made the right move by self-imposing penalties to shore up any additional NCAA sanctions. It's hard to imagine that anything more will come of this.
"This whole thing, the Davis resignation and the Rick Greenspan-led search, was supposed to be done with the idea of uniting Hoosier fans under one banner..."
Simply not possible. There were too many expectations and too many viable candidates out there to hope that all Hoosier fans would somehow magically become united and dance through fields of daisies with lollipops in our mouths, pissing in the wind and praising IU's brilliant hire. Bob Knight is gone and Indiana fans are, and will remain a bitter collective of short-sighted opinions until someone wins another national championship. There was no best choice, Bob, including your boys Steve and Randy.

There's barely a sentence worth agreeing with in the entire piece, yet I can't go on forever. Shame on Kravitz for throwing gasoline on this fire. Allow Coach Sampson to succeed or fail on his own. NONE of us want another Davis situation.



And the new coach of Indiana is... 

Oklahoma's Kelvin Sampson. Interesting choice, and certainly one that no one expected. I'm assuming they couldn't afford Calipari, considering he's pulling 1.5 million a year at Memphis.

Now we wait and see if Hoosier nation can get behind a guy who didn't play for IU. I'm not sure if he has any ties to the state of Indiana, or any recruiting experience, but I'm sure we'll find out in the coming days.




ESPN has an interesting statistical breakdown of brackets for their tournament challenge. It seems that only FOUR out of 1.5 million registered brackets had the correct final four lineup: UCLA vs. LSU / George Mason vs. Florida.

Somehow, I managed to pull a second straight victory in my office pool title this year, despite my inability to predict even one final four team. Thanks again to all the suckers who picked UConn, your donation is appreciated.

On top of that the Gigawatts bracket challenge is officially done as well. Here's how everyone placed:

1. Ian
2. Mike
3. Alison
4. Nowak
5. Haahnster
6. Teddy
7. Byron
8. Jared

This year has been one of the best tournaments in recent memory. Normally, I'm most excited for the first two rounds of the tourney, but this year's 16,8 and 4 rounds have / will be excellent as well. Glad to see the big dogs left out in the cold!



baby's first show review 

I may have put together a little ditty about The Arcade Fire show I saw in Phoenix a while back, but I can't remember.

Irregardless! Last night I was fortunate to catch Jenny Lewis on her solo tour. You may know her as lead singer from Rilo Kiley, or as an on-again off-again actress and former love interest of Jake Gyllenhall. Her new sound is very much in the tradition of Dusty Springfield and the white women of soul, with homage to contemporary traditionalists like Emmylou Harris and Gillian Welch. Her debut solo album is picking up some critical steam and the band just played Letterman a few nights ago. By the way, she's part of the Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes machine which probably suits her well.

Check out the music video on her website -- it features Sara Silverman in a parody of Hee-Haw. It strikes me as the white version of the Hey-Ya! video.

The venue was the Variety Playhouse in the Little Five Points district of Atlanta, an oddly-shaped but great sounding room. The set was well choreographed, but not over the top, closing with a Grateful Dead spiritual cover.

Because my roommate grew up with this guy, who plays in the band (and incidentally played Roy Orbison in "Walk the Line"), we were also treated to some after show drinks and tales of the crass menagerie that is LA.

So I highly reccommend checking her out. They'll be leaving for their European leg soon but I have no doubt they'll hit up you Midwestern-type areas in the near future.



One more reason to hate texas 

Look what I found over at Slate:
Texas is busting people for "public intoxication" in bars. Undercover agents have "infiltrated" 36 bars and arrested 30 drinkers. Explanations from the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission: 1) We're doing it to stop drinkers before they get in a car. 2) Even if they're not going to get in a car, maybe they'll "walk out into traffic and get run over." 3) Or maybe they'll "jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss." 4) Anyway, bars aren't exempt from laws against public intoxication.



In case you never saw it, I was recently reminded of this short film I saw a few years back which I had heard about from an animation-o-phile friend of mine. It's called "Rejected" and was directed by Don Hertzfeldt of Bitter Films.

It's about five minutes long and is absolutely hilarious and brilliant -- hillariant! And dark. I recommend you check it out. It won the Oscar for Best Animated Short back in 2001, and was the lowest budget project to ever win an Oscar (although that may no longer be true).

There's also this gem called "Billy's Balloon," but I can't get it to play on my computer.



Sports Section 

Indiana may have fallen from NCAA grace in the second round, but given the injury to DJ White I think you can still chalk this season up as a success, especially considering the way we were headed in January in the midst of that horrible losing streak. There's no denying that these past few weeks have been fun to watch, but now that the season is over we have to focus on a few key issues: (1) Who's our new coach? (2) Which players are leaving? I think the answer to #1 will have a profound impact on the answer to #2. Still, I can't believe that DJ White, Robert Vaden or any other player would be willing to ride the bench for a year in order to follow Mike Davis somewhere. Plus they will sacrifice the big stage (and quick fades) that a major conference like the Big Ten affords them. I just don't see it happening.

So who will be the new coach? If you follow the Hoosiers Insider blog (and you should) you'll hear a lot of names tossed around, and a lot of people who claim to have "friends in the athletic department." The blog recently conducted a fan survey asking who the next coach should be and suprise surprise my boy John Calipari wins out HUGE.

1. John Calipari..........73 (26.7 percent)
2. Mark Few...............25 (9.1 percent)
3. Steve Alford...........24 (8.8 percent)
4. Billy Gillispie........24 (8.8 percent)
5. Tom Crean..............19 (6.9 percent)

Also - the latest word is that Steve Alford is on the short list for the Missouri opening. Good riddance! They can have his loser ass. Gimmie John-boy.

In other moves, how about the Colts picking up New England feild goal kicker Adam Vinatieri? On top of that, I hear that New England is coming to the table as a possible new home for Mike Vanderjagt. Strange shit.



What good is Whole Foods? 

In this recent Slate article, Field Maloney (I like that name) exposes the notion of Whole Foods as some kind of wholly ethical grocer, or as Field puts it, as a "haute-crunchy supermarket chain."

While the article's effect--and I presume, its intent--is not to demonize Whole Foods' model, which after all seems to be doing pretty well, but simply to remove some of the self-righteousness from the anointed shopper evangelist class.

Look, it may be your preference to buy organic food at a markup from a boutique-y vendor like WF, and for that I'm in no position to judge. But to present that marriage of preference and disposable income as some kind of act of social justice is simply too much to tolerate.

I was reminded of this whole schism between myself and holistic/fair price/equality-uber-alles culture as I was in LA (Santa Monica, more precisely) last weekend as part of my Spring Break. By the way, it's wierd that I am 24 and have a Spring Break, right?

But all of us had our limits. Stranded in LA County with no means to exercise my own free will, I was duped into doing yoga for the very first time....I think I'm a better man for it, even though the 18-year-old version of myself would probably beat the shit out of me if we ever met.

Oh yah, and I realize my position on this site is the token Wal-Mart apologist, but you gotta love the article's closing realization:

It's likely that neither Wal-Mart nor Whole Foods will do much to encourage local agriculture or small farming, but in an odd twist, Wal-Mart, with its simple "More for Less" credo, might do far more to democratize the nation's food supply than Whole Foods.



Elevator News 

Just thought I would share what I've just learned. Yahoo! searches for "divorce", which are at its highest during the months of March and April, are down 17% this year. Anyone feel like trying to raise the rates here? Was there a divorce on the Watts during these months? Why the hell would it matter what time of year it was? More importantly, why is this the news I get on the elevator?

Speaking of which Bernanke came out trying to ruin my portfolio after some decent inflation news saying interest rates will continue to rise....Asshole.

By the way, anyone else care that China and Russia are increasing their love for each other? First on Iran, now more deals between each other. Previously on A Million Monkeys, sometime around the Abramoff stuffs, I said this would be the biggest story (and political fighting) of the year. Anyone have any other thoughts?



From Gnarnia: Stoney Tonies in the Backcountry 

Ehhhhhhh ... another fun day in the land of gnar gnarnia. Here's some video footage of a day spent snowshoeing and chiefing in Grand Teton National Park (don't be too super-jealous guys).


'Tis about an hour till game time and I'm feeling good about them Hoosiers. Hey Adam "trash stache" Morrison, get a haircut, hippie. You're going down. Go IU!



From Gnarnia: St. Patty Bringeth the Gnar 

Great game last night for all the fellow Hoosiers! It is good to see Mike Davis pull one more last-second win for the team. Well, well ... where do I start? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Taking green beer to the face at 8500 ft. elevation after a full day of shredding the powder, hard to beat. Do I miss my cubicle???? Huh ... nahhhh. Just rubbing it in to all the Jackson Hole Haters. We should have a good game with the Zags on Sat. Go Hoosiers! Looking at how the Zags played last night, they will be the ones that are the Ball Lickers! You fellow GigaBitches should spend that hard earned money, like myself, and get out here. We'll keep you posted from Gnar Gnaria. I did see chronic-pusher (Teddy) bite it on the bunny slopes! HaHaHa! Oh yah ... since everyone is SO super-jealous please just read and admire (no need to post comments bitches)!



From Gnarnia: Sleddin' the Pow 

Ehhhhhh ... the Yeti hath arrived and the clowning hath started. I'm not sure what you guys did today (probably typed out TPS reports from your little cubicle at work) but Jared, I and some fellow stoners spent the day snowmobiling, drinking and soaking in natural hot springs. I've posted some pics from the day and will post again tomorrow. Go Hoosiers!


Breaking News: Prospects for new coach at IU narrowed down to two 

I am hearing in the news that the prospects for IU's new coach have been narrowed down to two possibilites. I have listed them below, along with some background information to help you guys determine who you believe is most qualified for the job.

Now thirteen, Mohammed Jassim Ali has been an IU fan since birth. Outfitted in his favorite IU sweatshirt, (which he hasn't removed or untucked for nearly two years) Mohammed preaches the word of Hoosier in war-torn Iraq. Pictured here, he has torched a pile of waste in honor of Hoosier and points to his 9' 7" protege, known only as "Raneen", who Mohammed plans to implement as starting center for the Hoosiers should he be hired as coach. Raneen once defeated the entire Al-Qaeda network in a local pick-up game, 139-76. Like the legendary Coach Bob Knight, Mohammed is known for his short fuse. Unconfirmed reports suggest that he once slapped Allah (a known Duke fan) in the face for "insulting" the Hoosiers in his presence.

Teen Wolf's (aka Scott Howard) talent and knowledge for basketball is known across the world. His high school years with the Beavers were a platform for his unprecedented skill, where during his senior year, Wolf scored a season-high 2,067 points. His speed, coupled with his 14ft vertical, made him an unstoppable force for the Beavers. Described by his colleagues as ill-tempered, Wolf is known for his wild outbursts. While it was reported that the late Drazen Petrovic was killed in a car accident, reports have suggested that this story was a cover-up, citing an incident in which Wolf "devoured" Petrovic's head following what Wolf described as a "flagrant and malicious foul" during a game of one-on-one.



From Gnarnia: The Mangina Cometh 

What's up, gigabitches? Guess who's got some juicy gossip? I'm usually not one to be privvy to news about folks we know, but two good friends of mine - and possibly yours - scooped me recently. Frequent 121gigawatts visitors Stephanie and Paul Mellilo are procreating. Stephanie is pregnant, good work Paul. Strong sperm you have. Congratulations, guys! I can't wait to teach your child sweet words like "douche," "hippies," "gapers" and "Combos." Also, another pair of occasional gigafolks, Jenny Tarbox and her boyfriend John, are engaged. Congrats to you guys as well!

Well, one of ya'll is finally comin' to Jackson Hole. The Yeti will be here for a few days this week and yours truly got off what little work I have. On the agenda: snowboarding, drinking, chiefing, snowmobiling, soaking in hot springs, Jared hitting on fat chicks and my ass in the Mangina's passed out face. Snow is broadcast for the end of the week so there will be plenty of gnar to shred. And Fagin, you love hearing about me searching for powder. You love it.

As I write this I'm watching what could be the best South Park episode ever: Scott Tenorman Must Die. (OK, Mackey, I agree Pokemon is the best episode ever, but Cartman getting sweet revenge - priceless.) In South Park news, Isaac Hayse has resigned as the voice of Chef. Alas, who will voice one of the show's best characters now? And the new season starts next Wednesday, March 22. The last season was clowning and I'm looking forward to some new episodes. How about you?



Join the damn Giga-Bracket 

I posted this last week and so far there are exactly three people registered -- myself, No-whack, and some dude named Brian. You people need to get on it. It doesn't matter if you know jack-shit about basketball, fill it out an have something to fall back on for the next few weeks while you listen to everyone else talk basketball. Go here, register real quick if needed, and input the password: gigawatts

Some notes:

1. Texas over Duke to claim a final four spot out of the Atlanta Bracket
2. Indiana over the Zags in the 2nd round -- the dirt-stache will not prevail
3. South Alabama makes it to the Sweet 16; Billy Donovan gets a another major conf. job; Mike Davis is your new coach at South Alabama
4. The 2nd round Michigan State / North Carolina matchup is the hardest decision in the whole bracket
5. There's always atleast one mid-major team to make the Sweet 16, who will it be this year? (let's hope it's not Gonzaga, again)
5. How many Big Ten teams in the Sweet 16? I've got 5
6. How many Big East teams in the Sweet 16? I've got 2

Here are some popular first-round upsets so far. Keep in mind that there are approximately seven first-round upsets on average each year. Also, there has never been a Final Four featuring all four #1 seeds.

1. UAB (9) over Kentucky (8)
2. Winthrop (15) over Tennessee (2)
3. Wisconsin-Milwaukee (11) over Oklahoma (6)
4. Utah State (12) over Washington (5)
5. Wisconsin (9) over Arizona (8)
6. Southern Illinois (11) over West Virginia (6)
7. Alabama (10) over Marquette



'Cuse and McNamara Gunnin for NCAA 

Mac hits a game winning shot to beat Cincinnatti and now the whole team rallies to defeat UCONN. Watch for an out of nowhere contigency. Gotta love the desperation in the air. Wonder since IU is already in the tourney if they will try at all tomorrow. God I hope so. Let's Go Half Day!!



Ahh!!! Furry new animals 

Check the write up. Found in some seriously deep water.


Tourney Pick'em 

I've set up a NCAA bracket pick'em for the Gigawatts. No money involved, just good times. Stop over here to register, and make your picks this Monday after the brackets are announced. The password is "gigawatts"



Backstroke of the West 

This might be old news to some, but some of you might not have seen these yet. I would hate to deprive my bretheren of such hilarity.

Bootleg DVDs are a serious problem for the film industry, especially in China. That's not their only problem. It seems that the Chinese to English caption translations might be a little off. Exhibit:

Why they feel the need to translate this frame at all is beyond me. How they arrived at "Backstroke of the West" is another matter altogether.

Still, it's not just the obvious translations that are misleading. Sometimes the entire feel of a scene can be thrown off. Take for exaample this scene where Darth Vadar gives us his best "Nooooooooooo!" (I don't want to give this one away, so please click the link).

We're just getting started. Check out plenty more over here, including gratuitous misuse of the word fuck. Those wacky Chinese!"



The kids are alright? 

I thought that Rob might post this up on A Million Monkeys, but since I haven't seen it yet I thought I would clue in the readers of this blog.

It's only been in release for a few weeks but already there is a new # 5 album of ALL TIME according to British music fans. It's the new release from the... the uh... Arctic Monkeys!



The rumor mill is churning steady for the upcoming annoucement of Lollapa-crappa's 2006 lineup. Already confirmed by many sources is that, hold on to your butts... the Red Hot mu'fuckin' Chili Peppers are headlining! Our prayers have been answered. I also heard that they will be joining by original guitarist Dave Navarro! Hot shit alert!

Spread the word -- some of the other rumored bands:

Cracker (!)
Vertical Horizon
Sixpence None the Richer
The Cranberries
Cypress Hill
Squirrel Nut Zippers
Bran Van 3001 (it's your boys A-Rock, plus 1)
Saigon Kick

A reunited Saigon Kick! Love is on the way. And that's just to start. This is rounding out to be easily the best palooza ever.

Seriously though, the Chili Peppers are headlining.



'Go Hoosiers!' says Iraqi teen protester 

As part of my oh-so-important job putting together the Jackson Hole Daily, I get to scan various news sites looking for photos: starving Pakistani earthquake survivors, riveting cricket matches from England, infected Chinese birds and, of course, plenty of folks around the globe holding signs and protesting. As I was scanning pictures today, still reeling after the Hoosiers big win over Michigan on Saturday, I almost shat my draws when I stumbled across this Iraqi youth who was equally jazzed about the IU victory. In fact, this charming fellow and I have a lot in common: we both wore Hoosiers sweatshirts today; he protests high oil prices, I protest high beer prices; he likes to burn tires, I like to burn chronic; he tucks in his sweatshirt, I ... don't. Anyway, here's to our Iraqi brethren who support our Hoosiers! See you in the Big 10 tourney!

Also, if any of you folks read the New York Times this weekend, you might have seen a little story on skiing in Jackson Hole. And the author happens to scarf down a pizza at ol' Mt. High Pizza Pie. There's a good chance I made that pie, probably spilled a little beer on it. Hey, we're not called Mt. Sober Pizza Pie. I can't post links on this computer, so the story's at http://travel2.nytimes.com/2006/03/05/travel/05frugal.html.



Ahhhhhhh...The Days 



Bad album art 

I just came across this worst album covers ever feature from Pitchfork that was published last fall. There's some horrible stuff in here. Check it out. Here are a few of my favorites:

Adman later went on to form the Icy Hot Stuntaz. Ok, just another excuse to link to muh boyz in the IHS.



Seattle, Yetis, and Hookers 

Ok since I have started to post again, it only seems fit to post some shiz about my current home, Seattle. The city is quite different than any other I have been to. 1. It rains a shit load during the winter months. 2. There are hairy girls around every corner. 3. There is more beer in grocery stores than Ft Knox has gold 4. And the state of Washington has had the most Yeti sitings than any other state. The city is quite beautiful and has more to offer than most cities in the US. It is one place where anyone can go snowboarding, surfing, hiking in rainforests, and climb a volcano all within 50 miles apart. However, this is a give-take relationship. The girls in Seattle are hard to come by. I have been on a dry spell for the last month, and have not tried harder in my life just to get some trim. I could have ended that streak last weekend when Sean Tucker and myself were propositioned by a weathered looking middle aged woman who wanted the meat stick in exchange for money (long story). But for now, I have to settle for some porn. Fagin, do you still have that Jill Kelly Virtual Sex DVD. I think I may want to borrow that piece.


The wisdom of Dilbert continues 

Well, not so much Dilbert as much as Dogbert. This time Dilbert plays Menos to Dogbert's Socrates. Oh Scott Adams, is there anything you don't know?


Stoltz McFly 

Following up on Alison's imaginative post of original Eric Stoltz dialogue, I offer this spin-off.

Some may or may not know that Eric Stoltz was originally cast as in the role of Gigawatts' first son, Marty McFly. After about 6 weeks of filming Zemeckis and Spielberg deemed him "Too intense" and sought out Michael J (who was actually their original choice for the part). Check out this image gallery.

Too bad they didn't include any of this footage on the BTTF box-set that was released a few years ago.


Life in Advertising 

For those who work, or might like to work in advertising, I suggest you consider this little exposé. Click it.



Welcome to Chad! That Right I'm Back!!!!! 

Ever since I learned of Chad (the country) I have been in a state of exctasy. This elevated state of exctasy is similar to when Mike Fuller received multiple butts in his face at Beer Fest. It is mind blowing that people actually live in a country named after millions of people (some of whom can lick my ball). Do any bitches realize that Chad has to be the coolest country in Africa? That is what I thought...silence. Silence b/c Chad is the Mother Country! Now since everyone has a jet these days, I will have to visit!


Dear Netflix 

It seems that a lot of people, especially couples, families and other household units are sharing accounts. I would like to see a feature where users can be created within an account. These users would be able to queue up their own list. Then, say they have a standard 3-DVD-at-a-time account with three users, the movies that shipped would not be based on one MASTER list but three USER lists. User 1 has a movie and does not receive the next DVD on their list until their current DVD is returned. That way users 2 and 3 can continue to receive DVDs on their own lists while user 1 waits to watch his. My girlfriend and I operate on an every-other-movie basis, but sometimes she takes weeks to watch one DVD. In the meantime I finish mine and send them back and have more of her stuff come through. This causes a bottleneck of chick-flick / foreign films in our rental patterns, which fosters disagreements over how our queue should be set up. Individual lists are the solution! Thanks!

Also, please start stocking p0rn.

Write Netflix and tell them to get on it!

Also, tell them to stop being so fucking sketch.


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