I only put this up for a little bit of fun at work on this...I can't be bothered to work Friday. Beat 257,3 if you dare. That's right the fat jolly man must fly at least 130m in the air, before bouncing his way to the record mark. Weihnachtsmann Weitwurf.htm
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I just got the Halloween photos from Jared in the mail, so I thought I'd finally post these bitches up here for your viewing pleasure. I created a little montage, and as the soundtrack, I've provided a link to everyone's favorite TV theme song. Please listen in while viewing. Try not to cry pansy, we all long for the misadventures of Kirk Cameron and his little friend Boner (which would have made a sweet halloween double-costume). GrowingPainsTheme.wav


(Clockwise from top left: Me as The Baumer, Jared as Joe Dirt, Teddy as some kind of skeevy stoner / surfer brah, Nick as the Devil albeit a dirty-hippy devil, Scott as ??? - costume store leftovers?, McCoy as Walter "Who am I? I'm a veteren" Sobechek.)
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Mike,
Could you please find some more articles about men cutting off their penises and eating them?

Grant

Senior Poop Correspondent
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Here are my 13 worthy releases for the year (and it shouldn't change, cuz December isn't worth shit release-wise):

1. Acumen Nation - Lord of the Cynics
2. Ween - Quebec
(tie) t.A.T.u. - 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane
3. Celldweller - Celldweller
4. Haujobb - Vertical Theory
5. ohGr - Sunnypsyop
6. Andre 3000 - The Love Below
7. Ministry - Animositisomina
8. Autechre - Draft 7.30
9. Korn - Take a Look in the Mirror
10. Headcase - Crosseyedrabbit
11. VAST - Turquoise & Crimson
12. Deftones - Deftones
13. Underworld - Soundtrack to the Motion Picture
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By now, it should be apparent that I'm a fan of lists. I just found a hilarious site devoted to many different forms of lists. You all should scope this badboy out when you get a chance. Definetly some good laughs. There are tons of these, but among my favorites are:

Yngwie or Spinal Tap? - Comments either made by noted shredder Yngwie Malmsteen, or members of Spinal Tap. You decide which, then check your answers.

Dee Snider's Notes from Workshopping a B-Side to "Stay Hungry"

Pillow Talk

A Paranoid 80s Mixtape

Albert Einstein College of Medicine Professor or Dr. Pepper Knock-Off Brand?

These are just to good. I think I'll add a link on the side for ease of access. Enjoy.
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I don't know if any of you're were unfortunate enough to catch the IU / Vanderbilt game last night on Fox Sports, but Vandy made us out to be the fools that we could end up being this season. We got pummled 73-60, and did not look good. Bracey tried to take over the game late, hitting some tough shots and getting to the foul line a few times, but we couldn't make it happen. I think they were within 6 pts. at least 4 or 5 times in the final 10 minutes and still couldn't close the gap. What the fuck... Vanderbilt? Vanderbilt? We could have beat these guys handily in recent years and now were getting blown out. Maybe experts are right putting us at the back of the Big Ten this year. Either way, with our next four games against Xavier, Wake Forest, Missouri, and Notre Dame we could easily be looking at a 1-5 start. Say it ain't so. Of course, since we're expected to lose those, perhaps a win or two could muster some confidence. One positive I will say is that Roderick Wilmont (#10) is looking solid, and Leach appears to have his postup in rhythm. Bracey's leadership should come around by the Big Ten season. In the meantime, we GOTTA stop passing like a bunch of pussies. Crashing the boards might not hurt either. Even if they suck - it's still IU baby.
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Rolling Stone has outdone themselves again. Not merely content with a top 100 albums of all-time, the new rolling stone features the top 500 albums of all time. You can view the whole (fucking) thing here. In the meantime, a quick rundown of the top-ten:

1. Beatles - Sgt. Pepper
2. Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
3. Beatles - Revolver
4. Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited
5. Beatles - Rubber Soul
6. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
7. Rolling Stones - Exile on Main Street
8. Clash - London Calling
9. Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde
10. Beatles - The White Album

Now I love the Beatles as much as anyone, but making a top 500 is just a way for RS to cover their ass for putting 4 of their albums in the top ten of all time, not to mention two Dylan albums. WTF!?!?!?! I wonder if we would have seen the same top 5 if rolling stone had just decided to feature only the top 5 of all time. I am happy to see the Clash making it into the top 10, if only for the fact that it was unexpected. Everything else is pretty much expected. I'm just really fucking sick of lists always being for "Most Important" of their time, as if social affects are the sole purpose of music. RS critics need to stop judging things by the wake they leave, and concentrate on what they hear. I love what pitchfork has done by choosing their favorite 100s albums of the 1990s. I'm sick of these lists being made up of records that had the greatest impact on society. Backstreet's debut album pludged us all back into a world of teeny-pop sensationalism, but was a good record?

Anyway, I'm in the process of putting together my top 5 favorite CDs of the year for an upcoming post. It would be cool if everyone put together some kind of top five of the year. Grant, your's could be top five favorite dumps you've taken, complete with location, log-length, etc. Jared - how about a top 5 porn roundup? Any top 5 will do.
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http://people.cornell.edu/pages/bpr7/fight4.swf

http://people.cornell.edu/pages/cce3/stickfigures/fight3.swf
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http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf
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I won't mention names, but I know that at least one person who reads this blog regularly has tried posting an ad in the personals. I've always enjoyed reading the personals, if only to increase my awareness of the perverse things that happen in our society. Reading Gawker today, I came across these great examples of what not to say when posting a personal ad. My favorite:

These balls were made for licking.
Lickings what they need.
Get that tongue a flickin
Then I'll sow your seed!

See you get a poet too!
*kiss*


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Good news for all you VH fans out there. I just got a call from my old guitar teacher, who was so excited he could barely get the news out of his mouth. First he played me a tasty lick (let me know ya, that dude can shredd), and then proceeded to tell me that Sammy Hagar, the Red Rocker, is officially reunited Van Halen! We can put the Gary Cherone (of Extreme) incarnation - Van Halen III - behind us for good and pretend that it never existed. Word is that the band tried again to bring on David Lee Roth (after attempts in 1996 and 2000), but had no success. Personally, I'm glad they got the Red Rocker back. Call me a fool, but I always liked him more than DLR anyway. They're set to release a new album in 2004. I can't wait to see what Pitchfork does with that one.
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I'm sure that by now most of you know that Wacko Jacko is once again being accused of sexual molestation. Jacko is expected to surrender himself to authorities in Santa Barbara sometime today. Apparently the D.A. in charge of the case (who also handled Mike's 1993 accusations) told friends that he "Would have Jackson in jail before he retired." Unfortunately, the heat has been upped on Jacko this time around as the alleged child is also a cancer victim whose last wish was to meet Jacko. It also appears that Mike may have purchased a car and / or house for the parents of the child. Most people would wonder why any parent would allow their child to visit his house. Therefore, I see this playing out two ways. Jacko bought the parents the house and car to get on their good side convince them that he's not as crazy as everyone thinks he is. He may or may not have committed these crimes. There's always a good chance that the parents are milking his reputation for their own piece of the pie. However, if I had to put my money on it, I'd say he's guilty. I'm no psycho-analyst, but it seems that his abusive upbringing and subsequent sexuality as an adult typify that of a sex offender. Did you see that two hour special on him last year? The dude is certainly not all there. One thing is for sure: "Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough" isn't getting any less funky, and that's all the reassurance I need.
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I just thought all of you should know that Bat Boy now has his very own musical. So all of you need to be watchin out before it comes to a location near you. The website is http://www.batboy-themusical.com. No doubt it's going to Broadway soon, so you better see it before the ticket price explodes.

And for those of you who are Bat Boy virgins and/or never stopped by the bar previously owned by the Hixer, Tedrow, the Hick, and I on 11th and Lincoln, then it's time you learned the story. First go here, and then pick up the newest copy of Weekly World News to see the updates on Bat Boys Reign of Terror. If I'm not mistaken, he is rising to #4 on Bush's Terror List.
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My new favorite photographer, Tanya Chalkin.


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Let me just setup the ultimate 80's outfit for you right now from top to bottom:

1. White, 100% cotton Oakland Athletics cap, worn with the bill tilted up over the head, so as to expose those awesome bangs.

2. Hypercolor t-shirt of any color. Why any color? Because as we all know, it changes color anyway. As long as you had one, you were hot. Or cold. Depending on the color of your shirt that is. (P.S. I am still pushing for my Hypercolor lingerie line. It will happen.)

3. Michael Jordan Flight jacket. In black or white, this jacket said it all.

4. Zubaz pants. Color should coordinate with the fashion guru's favorite sports team. Given the fact that it's the 80's, it should be the Oakland Athletics. Conseco, McGwire, Weiss, Henderson...

5. British Knights for the kicks. L.A. Gear would suffice as well, but it's hard to replicate the statement a soild pair of black BK's with white laces could make.

6. Two, three, or even up to four Swatch watches. Multiple wrist watches scream "I'm the man", while a Swatch is the signature time piece of any rad dude.

7. A gold chain of any kind. Silver screams "dork". While gold says, "Yeah, I tried out for the role of A.C. Slater, but it just wasn't my style."
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Yo dudes, I was digging through some old photos and I found this picture of all you guys hanging out and kicking it back in high school. Those were the days eh? I gotta give it to you Cathedral kids, you stayed true to the tight roll, and obviously it landed you some pretty fine ladies. I really wish I could have been there with you guys when this memorable shot was taken, but I was too busy at home playing Sk8 or Die. Of course you guys wouldn't know anything about cool gamez like T&C Surf Design, Bad Dudes, or Muscle Man wrestling. Shit, I'll bet you didn't even have a Nintendo. You're probably too busy playing your weakass Apple IIe, getting killed by the indians on the Oregon Trail. In the meantime, I was busting excessive 5-in-a-row Jesters on Calfornia Games and representing my homeboys back at Ocean Pacific headquarters. While you guys were listening to your Milli Vanilli, I was back at my place air-guitaring to some real rokkers like Metal Church, LA Guns and Dokken. Still getting that subscription to Highlights are we?
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The greatest Jordan's ever.
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As many of you know I am a bit of a girlie-man in that I have way to many pairs of shoes for a dude. I was thinking back about my obsession with shoes today and I realized that my infatuation began way back in 4th grade when I got my first pair of Air Jordans. I remember that year for two things - the debut of the Simpsons and the year of the sneaker. From that moment on, the coolest kid in school was always the one who got the new Jordans first. That year I had the Air Jordan IVs (pictured on the left) and I was obessed with them. I had the blue and grey ones and they were definetly the flyest kicks ever made by anyone. I remember they also came in black and red, with white leather, and all black, but the blue and grey were definetly the most happenin'. I remember getting the Air Jordan Vs, but not liking them as much because they were full-on high top versus the very unique mid-top of the IV model. Scroll through all of your own Air Jordan memories at this photo album. What was your favorite Air Jordan incarnation? If it was the IVs like me then PLEASE sign this petition to have them released again. There's also some cool close-ups of the (shitty looking) original re-release pair here - to remind you of all the sweet plastic shit that they had all over them. Wow.

Also - who could forget the Bo Jackson's that also came out that year. While not as cool as the Air Jordan IVs, the 'BOs' were still pretty hip. I couldn't find a picture of the orignial lime green and grey ones, so you'll have to settle for this retro release version (right).
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Courtesy of The Morning News, I think you guys should all check out some of these cool album covers that never were. The site features alternate album covers created by artists, writers and musicians for some of their favorite bands. Alot of the covers featured were created just for fun and never actually considered for release. However, the cover at the right is Kurt Vonnegut's design for the Phish album that eventually became Farmhouse and it was in the running (and should have won over the hippied-out port-o-let door that they eventually used).
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Are you a fan of talking ghetto-speak? Would you like to know what it is you're actually saying? Stop playin' the foo' and find out with the Urban Dictionary. Within a few short minutes you'll be using the word 'Krunk' with newfound confidence. Or contribute a meaning or pronunciation of your own, like this one:

Fo' shizzle mah nizzle - a bastardization of "fo' sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole heartedly my African american brother"

Fo' shizzle mah nizzle - A slightly aborted version of a declined McDonald's slogan:
Hamburglar: "Come robble my knobble."
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http://starterupsteve.com/swf/Group_X_video.html
This is fuckin' funny.
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The rapid ho slap competition has begun. Post your top speed in the comments section.
www.hoslap.net
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Story from IDS
This fucking sucks.
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Men's Journal Magazine recently published a list of the top ten men's movies of all time (via Gothamist) . Tell me what's missing from this picture...

1. Dirty Harry
2. The Godfather
3. Scarface
4. Die Hard
5. The Terminator
6. The Road Warrior
7. The Dirty Dozen
8. The Matrix
9. Caddyshack
10. Rocky

Personally, I have serious issues with Dirty Harry being tops on this list. I'll agree that it did popularize the 'Bad cop' persona that barfed out four Lethal Weapon installments and countless other shitty flicks. However, Dirty Harry just isn't all that great, and certianly not deserving of number one status. Given the movies on this list, I might have to put Scarface or Die Hard as my personal number one, but that's only because this list is weak to begin with. I'd definetly take T2 over the original Terminator anyday of the week for starters. Where are other seminal male classics like Slapshot, Animal House, Porky's, and...ahem, the Big Lebowski? There is certainly no mushy romance in those movies to discount their cocksuradness. We're not all obsessed with violence - how about at least one more comedy in that top ten. Thoughts?
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"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court, for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles Underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire.... The A-team." (Ateam1.wav)

Of course we all remember the A-Team as one of the greatest shows of the eighties. The adventures of B.A., Hannibal, Faceman, and Murdock have left an entire generation longing to fire a rocket launcher from a moving van. Today I wish to recognize Mr T vs. Everything, as one of the most ingenious sites ever created. Here we get to see our favorite A-team member immortalized forever while we are treated to new adventures. Don't miss Mr T vs. Vince Neil, Mr T vs. George Dubya, and my personal favorite: Mr T vs. Back to the Future. Some of the links don't work anymore, but plenty of them do. Get ready to laugh thy ass off.
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Unsure who might be the right candidate for you? Is hip-hop preservation high on your list of issues? Take comfort dear friends, Wesley Clark is here for you to comfort you and to assure you that no, Outkast is not breaking up. Clark's latest TV ad is shameless attempt to reach to those of us who either (a) enjoy kickin' it live in coffee shopz, or (b) use Outkast to put a dip in the hip and / or some funk in the trunk. I love how he feels the need to throw the rock at the end of the commercial - madd props for that. Maybe Clark will go on Leno and bust his phat rhyme scheme. "My name is Wesley Clark and I'm here to say..." Pretty hip for a guy that can't seem to figure out his subway pass.

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First Pic - I WOULD LIKE ONE COCK
Second Pic - I PREFER TWO COCKS
Third Pic - I'D ENJOY AN ENORMOUS HORSE COCK
Final Pic - LET'S KNOCK OUR COCKS TOGETHER

These illustrations are just obvious examples of how deaf people are communicating. If you are interested in learning more about the art of sign language, please visit This Shit.
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You all remember the great Colt 45 beer commercials starring Lando Calrissian (a.k.a. Billy Dee Williams). In this rare outtake of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, we see Lando trying desperately to finish his 40 oz. Colt 45 before Chewbacca strangles him within an inch of his life. I recently stumbled upon a fabulous tribute site to Colt 45 entitled GodDAMN! That's some good site! Contained within are some hilarious photos of Billy Dee and Colt 45 in action. Also featured: the many faces of Colt 45, the Billy Dee Williams smoothness test, nationwide pricing updates of Colt 45, and HILIARIOUS ads for Colt 45 in the post-Williams era.

This is about the funniest thing I've seen since Diddy pointed me to "Black People Love Us." Check that one out as well if you haven't already.
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Yo everyone. I don't know if it's just my computer or what, but lately when I've tried to access this site without putting "www" in front of the url this picture has popped up. I thought that this was rather mysterious, but it had me thinking of a story a read a few months back (which I would love to link, but cannot seem to find). The story is about a recent poll taken where something like 3-4% of the US population actually thought Martin Sheen, who plays the big guy on West Wing, was our President. Apparently there is also an ongoing movement to encourage Sheen to actually run.

Sheen for President

Sheen has been a sharp critic of dubbya's policies, and in our present-day actor-turned-politician existence I think Martin Sheen would make a great President. In the meantime - go Howard Dean.

As a side note to this post, I'd like to encourage all to check out a fabulous site devoted to the underinformed and ill-prepared rantings of our Thief Executive. These Bushisms are hilarious, and new ones are often featured on Slate (a news magazine everyone should read).

Also, anyone who's a total geek like me and wants to learn how to make text wrap around pictures (like in this post), check out this website. It's pretty easy to do, you just have to know the dimensions of your picture.
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COMMENTS CONTAIN SPOILERS - Read at your own risk!

So I saw the final installment of the Matrix this past weekend. I won't say much here because I don't want to give away what happens. I will say that I was dissapointed and thought for the most part that it was contrived bullshit. I hope some other people have had a chance to see it by now and will join me in a little idea exchange in the comments section. I plan to divulge all that pissed me off in that section as well as what little I liked, so unless you want the movie to be ruined don't read the comments unless you've seen the flick.
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Cody ChesnuTT rocked out at the Patio this past weekend. Glad to see Grant and Nowak there (and thanks Steve for bringing a bunch of mofos with you... I know you must have looked bad when they had to sit through that shitty opening act). For those who don't know, Cody is kind of a lo-fi troubadour. He recorded his debut release The Headphone Masterpiece in the comforts of his own bedroom playing nearly every instrument you hear. If you dig what Andre 3000 has done with The Love Below, I think you'll like what you hear.

I found it particularly cool that Mr. NuTT spent so much of his time mingling with the crowd and meeting as many people as he could. Anyway, I think everyone should get into this guy. To me he's 1/3 Dylan, 1/3 Stevie Wonder and 1/3 Lil Jon. Nowak and I both have copies if anyone needs to get their burn on. In all honesty, it's worth a buy - especially since this guy put out the record all by himself. Support independent music you fucking thieves!
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Just wanted to remind everyone to keep your eye out for the lunar eclipse Saturday night. I heard on the news that it's supposed to reach it's peak a little after 8pm eastern time (which is what Indiana is now). I also heard that the entire eclipse only lasts about 25 minutes, so keep an eye on the watch and hope for clear skies. Then afterwards get your azz over to the Patio because Cody mu'fuckin' ChusnuTT will be tearing the roof off the sucka. His show starts at 10pm with some opener named Leroy something or other. Anyway - well worth the price of admission. See you there.
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With the holiday season approaching fast, its never to early to start coming up with good christmas gift ideas. In this special time of the year, nothing says "I love you" more than a stinky box of poo. And now, with the help of our friends at smellypoop.com holiday wishes for shit-covered sugarplums can at last be fulfilled. You said it little Timmy - Gaw bless us, everyone.
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Some have you may have received Jared's call-out letter for camping this morning. For those of you who didn't, I"ve taken the liberty of posting said materials here for everyone's benefit. Before we get to the letter, let me just say one thing. Jared - the expression is "Wild hair on my ass" not "Wild hair up my ass." We don't want to know about things that go up your ass. So, without furthur adieu...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aight Bitches! I can't sleep b/c I have been working non stop and have came to realize that I will not have a weekend off for the next 6 weeks. However, I have recently discovered that I will be on college break between dec. 23 - jan. 5. Therefore, I have a wild hair currently up my anus ( and to the left of my grendal) to go camping. I am sure that most of you will be able to take a 3 day weekend, meaning 1 day off from work, to explore America's
frontier. This expedition will include much hiking, drinking, puking, drunken olympics, camping, hatchet throw, and all around fun. Remember, you only live once!!! So for all of you that feel that money may be an issue...It won't! And if it is, then stop being alittle girl and get rid of the vaginitis! We are starting to get older and won't be able to do this later on in life b/c of future commitments (of which Teddy has already made). So it is time to gather all of the winter camping folk and have us a Road Trip!!! We need to start thinking about where a prime location will be (N.Carolina is my vote) and research some shit. I have a strong feeling that this may be one of the last times all of us will be camping together as a group. And if everyone can attend, then it will for sure be one of the best! You have recieved this email b/c in the past you have displayed jedi qualities on the camping tip, as well as shown strong resistance to the well known plague better known as "Cooter Scout!" Anyone who does not attend, due to a bitchy girlfriend or swollen vaginal will be nominated "Vulva Scout!" And if that is not motivation in itself.....then we will just make fun of you all weekend long( when you are not there). NO Excuses! Lets do it!

Cheers.

Jared
(Yeti)
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"The steady rise in the speed of bipolar transistors has relied largely on the vertical scaling of the epitaxial layer structure to reduce the carrier transit time," said Milton Feng, the Holonyak Professor of Electrical and Computer Engineering at Illinois, whose team has been working on high-speed compound semiconductor transistors since 1995. "However, this comes at the cost of increasing the base-collector capacitance. To compensate for this unwanted effect, we have employed lateral scaling of both the emitter and the collector."--Complete article here.

I've been telling these assholes this for years. "Employ the lateral scaling!," I would scream. No one would listen.


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Alright kids, being that this site is named after Back to the Future I declare it necessary that this BTTF Quiz be available for us all to take. BTTF is afterall the single greatest movie trilogy ever created. I scored a 19/20 and was rather pissed that the only one I missed was the name of George McFly's book that they barely show at the end of the first movie. Anyway, I bet none of you fools can score perfect. And if you do, you had best link it in the comments section.
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If I ever hear the word again, it will be too soon...fuck it...I've heard, and especially seen, enough! That is all...Kthnx.
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I know for many people (myslef included) blogging is a fairly new adventure. In the past year it has blown up to the point that some weblogs are now considered a significant media outlets. Mark Glaser's guide to the blogosphere has some interesting insight into the past, present and future of blogging and how the line between commentary and journalism on the internet is beginning to fade.
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So last night marked the official return of musical performance to Bloomington's beloved, yet often overlooked Second Story nightclub. It was heartbreaking when the club shut it's doors last year with little hope of reopening, and was quite obvious that Bloomington's waning original music scene was sure to completely parish as a result. How fabulous it was to walk back in to Second Story and see such a large turn out for the triple bill of (locals) Sexxx Tiger, The Constantines, and Don Caballero.

I'll keep this brief, but I do want to say that all you music fans out there (you know who you are) missed some good music last night. The whole show was excellent and particularly the Constantines, who've been touring in support of their record since it came out in late August (this was their second to last show... too late now suckas). Right off the bat their style reminded me of The Strokes if you took out the fabricated fashion sense and replaced the void with musical intelligence. Bryan Webb's voice was comperable to the Strokes Julian Casablancas, but also gave you this feeling that if Webb ever had children then he had best leave it to mom to sing the lullabies. His voice reminded me of the scene from Temple of Doom where the dude reaches inside the slave's body and rips out his heart - that's what it felt like listening to this band. Also, this is the only band I've ever scene at Second Story where a bandmember got up on the speaker towers and jumped off.

Anyway - buy the record. Go here and download a song. Then buy the record from Subpop - it's only 12 bucks.

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Ok everyone. Listen carefully and bare with me. I recently discovered this website which features a trio who call themselves "Icy Hot Stuntaz". The link will be at the end of this message. The details on this group are self-explanatory. However, after doing some research on the web, I am finding out that they are huge. Run a Google search on these guys and you'll pull countless hits. Apparently, nobody seems to know whether or not this is a joke. Also, I am discovering that they have evolved into a band or rap group of some sort and have a tour schedule??? The whole thing is confusing. Just check this shit out.

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I'm thinking that we have the new stars for the next Charlie's Angels.
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Greetings friends. Courtesy of Grant's dope-ass links page, I present to you Eric Conveys an Emotion. Go to his site and view the seamless recreation of many types of human emotion. Don't see your favorite emotion? Just fill out a request and Eric will oblige. My personal favorite - hysterical (above).
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