What do alls y'alls think of the new G5 iMac that they annouced today?

To me it seems like the iMacs are getting so close to becoming laptops that you may as well hold out for the iBook and powerbook G5s to come out. Of course the bump in processor power is noice.
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Well, actually this one's a chimp, but it's evidence either way that one day monkey-butlers will turn from servant to master. From BBC News (via Drudge Report):

Sexual frustration has driven a mild-mannered chimpanzee to take up smoking and spitting, according to China's Xinhua news agency.

Reminds me the trained monkey on the "Krusty the Clown Show" and former
Minister of Tourism of Brazil, Mr. Teeny.

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Engadget has the 411 on P-Diddy's custom iPod. This bitch gots over 120 pieces of ice up it it!

Did anyone bother with the VMAs last night? I saw the pre-show, which basically consisted of celebrities showing up in bigger and bigger yachts. I would've liked to see the Outkast Prototype -> Ghetto Musik -> Hey Ya -> The Way You Move medley, but I wasn't about to suffer through the entire ceremony for that.
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Bloomingtonfest was good times this weekend. Friday night was all fucked up and for some reason what was supposed to be a bunch of bands playing ended up being a string of solo / singer-songwriter-type affiars. Al and I were bored out of our goddamn mind on Friday.

Things picked up on Saturday however. I finally got to check out Magnolia Electric Co. (aka Songs:Ohia, aka Jason Molina) and was very impressed with their classic rock digs, though Alison thought it was basically mindless guitar masterbation (to each their own). If you dig the self-pleasurevation of Neil Young or Palace, they're definetly a group worth scoping. There's a double bill of Impossible Shapes and Magnolia coming to the Bluebird on Thursday, Sept 30 for those who wish to make the pilgrimage.

Another killer band, and possibly the highlight of the Festival, was Chin Chin. The lead-singer was ALL ABOUT the vocoder, and the afrobeat rhythms and heavy horn funk actually got a hipster or two out on the floor. Definetly check them out if they roll through your town.

Here's a few mp3s from bands I enjoyed. More over at the Bloomingtonfest page.

Chin Chin - Salon
Magnolia Electric Co - Farewell Transmission
Fruit Bats - A Bit of Wind
Minus Story - Joyless, Joyless

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Tribal Sovereignty Because sovereignty is a sovereign entity is sovereinty is a sovereign entity.
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Yes, McGreevey is a sleazeball, which has nothing to do with his sexuality. Here's ever-eloquent and uber-scholar Tom Palmer on the subject:

[McGreevey] has offered his own feeble public defense in the New York Times (requires registration) of his remarkably transparent attempt to gain sympathy for his alleged victimization in order to avoid condemnation for old-fashioned corruption. His announcement led many to ask, “So why should he resign just because he’s gay? The guy’s being persecuted.” There’s no good reason to resign over sexuality. But there’s plenty of reason to resign to avoid charges of blatant corruption (such as appointing your unqualified boyfriend to be state director of homeland security).

...James E. McGreevey is neither a victim nor brave. James E. McGreevey is a despicable lout.

Link via The Agitator who gives his own two cents on the topic.

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As you can tell, I've redesigned the logo again. I want to keep this blog looking a little different, so I'll be changing things around every month or so. If anyone wants to make a banner to put up, go right ahead. Email it to me, I'll use it eventually.

Download one of my favorite tracks of the year so far, The Secret Machines' "Nowhere Again" over on the sidebar.

Via Slate, check out Will Ferrell reprising his role as Dubya in this online mini-movie (right-click and save). The best part is when he's all "I was just mending my fence." Check it out, pure Will Ferrell brilliance.

Other noteable trappings:
- Scientists vote on top 10 Sci-fi flicks of all time.
- The elusive Yeti has finally been captured.
- Tedro I know you're headed to Canada soon. These techniques might help you maintain.
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Via Hit & Run, media expert Jesse Walker explains why he thinks Jon Stewart isn't as funny as he used to be:

"...he's become yet another witty but amiable late-night host à la David Letterman or Conan O'Brien. Which is fine as far as it goes, but the boy is not, as my teachers used to say, reaching his full potential."

I think Jesse may be on to something. However, he may be missing Stewart's tendency, the more amiable he becomes, to also unleash the fury more often. Maybe that's the trade-off.

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Yo yo everyone. Please help me get what's mine (a free iPod) from the website freeipds.com. Follow this link and complete the one offer to qualify me for a free iPod. It's super easy and it works!

I know what you're thinking - not another pyramind scheme. This one works, I've seen several confirmations of this around the internet (comments of Stereogum, August 24th). Just sign up for one of the offers, you will have to pay very little if anything depending on what you pick. I signed up for the weightloss pills. Here's all you gotta do (I read the fine print)...

1. Sign up for Miracleburn 7 day trial. $6 shipping and handling (I'll pay you back two-fold in alchoholic bevs if you so desire)
2. Cancel that shit in one week (you have 2 weeks to do so). Call (800)515-1070 to cancel (I just called, it's legit. You won't be charged anymore than the $6 if you call and cancel within 2 weeks).
3. get friends to do the same
4. get free iPod

iPods for $6. HELP A NILLA OUT!


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I have seen some pretty over-the-top propaganda in my day. But this article claiming Phish guitarist Trey Anastasio to be a terrorist supporter is about the most ridiculous (and hilarious) of them all. From the piece:

"In the Phish song Golgi Apparatus the band encourages violent chemical and biological attacks against American targets. The song begins with the announcement that "I look into my finance box just to check my status." This depicts the precautions taken by every terrorist cell - finding adequate funding."

Thanks to Bugher (aka Fag Keyboard Player) for the lead.
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Sup sup sup. Good things about in the Blington this weekend. Bloomingtonfest kicks up this Thrusday and runs through Sunday night with a shit-ton of great independent bands. Impossible Shapes, Mock Orange, Magnolia Electric Co., Rapider than Horsepower. $25 for the whole shabang, or just over 50 cents a band. Check out the schedule and performers.

Movie info to be had.
Okokok, Quentin Tarantino brings his unique self-obsession to the internet. The man has gone blog. Check out some nice info on his upcoming WWII flick Inglorious Bastards.

Kevin Smith is getting cold feet about directing The Green Hornet, set to star Affleck. Good... IMO, comic adaptations almost ALWAYS suck, though I think Smith could do it up right. Spidey, Superman, Batman, Green Hornet, etc, etc - Hollywood is going to feel the pain of super-hero overexposure if you ask me.
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R.I.P. Proximity. The Proxers are back with a new place to discuss, among other things, underground dog fighting... Paper-Thin Walls

Hella buzz alert: Golden Girls Season One drops on November 24th, confirming once again that eventually everything will be released on DVD.

Could ABC's Monday Night Football become a thing of the past? The network is losing about $150 million a year on MNF. The Solution? Bring back Missy Stark. Ratings gold says I!

A Fark headline so good, I had to screenshot it:


Today's cool flash game.

Among all the sallywag oohs and aahs of rock music these days - a gritty voice and little distortion is hard to come by. One of my favorite bands from last year, The Constantines, just had their debut re-released on Subpop. Download "Arizona." Let's get the rock outta here.
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So, I went to an awesome show last Thursday night! First a sweet Chicago jazz band called the Vandermark 5 ripped the roof off, with some awesome solos and a unique style that definitely caught my attention for a avant garde sound. I only wish they were 6 as I love me some trumpet.

After a couple beers, Charles Bissel of the Wrens came on and rocked the house...sort of. He was so nervous, got the loop a little messed up...luckily he could joke about it, bringing some laughs out. He played a lot of songs from Meadowlands, and some I haven't heard of before. He was still solid, as I got to hear some of the tunes live, but he actually sounded very "punky" to me and it was missing that extra something without the rest of the band accompaniment. I was surprised at how many people who were there had absolutely no clue who he was. But after a drink out in the back, he came by and I talked to him for a while. He is a real humble/unconfident/very relaxed guy. He was real cool to talk to as he was real laid back and unaware of his popularity, at least by my standards. A side note - he actually said he was really doing this solo tour along with the weekend tour(The Wrens) so he could play more. He agreed the band sounds great together, but "some of the guys have kids..." and so on...and he wanted to get out there.

But seriously, David Bird (guy pictured on top), the final act, "Badass". He was playing a violin and using a loop. But he was really playing it, he would be playing his violin for a bit as if it were a electric blues guitar and then save it and switch directly into a magnificent sound as if he were 1st chair in the philharmonic. I mean off the charts beautiful. Then he would bust out the guitar and bring in a great voice with some truly scouring lyrics. But that wasn't it (yes I am your late night commercial), as some of the songs progressed he would switch into a whistle that matched a flute as best as anything else could while playing the chimes (high pitched xylophone). No matter how you shook it, it really grabbed me in and made me wonder where this guy came from. I was really blown away and stuck in my place. I felt completely dead and unable to move, but somehow I didn't want to miss any of the fantasy that he was portraying. As a final note, it was the first night I had a "Real" Session in a while...helping the music to truly pulse through the capillaries of my brain.

In any case, his website is http://www.bowloffire.com/ and I am definitely buying a cd "Weather Systems". Seriously spectacular.
You can also download two songs here, so check em out. Hix, if you dig on one in particular, I advise you to add to the list.

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Hola amigas! I've returned to the world of blogging after a brief hiatus and must say 'tis nice to be back. As you can imagine, the Phish show was the absolute shit. I'll spare ya'll details here but I did make it into the venue (unlike some) and stood about 10th row, Mike side for 5 of 6 sets. Some good and fairly accurate reviews have been posted on jambands, phantasyphish and rolling stone, and they've all pretty much summed it up well...very muddy...some subpar but highly emotional and energetic playing...lots of very dirty, stinky hippies...and the end to very good thing for all Phish fans (you know you love 'em). Highlights for me included a short 5 1/2 hour wait to get in thanks to some helpful locals, drinking beer after beer with feet covered in muck and worms, lots of good "party accessories," having a crack head stomp all over my precious sandwiches before being carried away by Security, raging jams in YEM, Fire, Carini, Wilson and Split Open and Melt, a Harry Hood "on the rocks," and a sloppy but surprising The Curtain With to close it out. Sorry to gloat in my previous post, but more of you should of been there for this little slice of rock history.
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After two nights of massive storms I'm ready to bust up and out the Blington. Al and I are headed to Kings Island tommorow to double check and make sure that Son of Beast is still the most ill-tastic coaster evs.

For all those in Fa-nasty Football, don't forget that the draft is THIS SUNDAY at 12:30 central. Anyone who wishes to hop in on the league at the last minute best sign up now. That info again:

League ID: 231629
Password: password

go here to sign up and select Free League --> Join custom (private) league.

If we should happen to end up with uneven nubmers I will be forced to boot someone off. I'll do my best to leave all the bloggers on.
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I just like to give a shout out to my neighbor next door for having a wireless internet connection that allows my ass to get online for free. You the man dude.
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The Drug Policy Alliance is raising money to place this ad in the New York Sun (conservative daily paper) the week of the Republican National Convention.

It's well done with it's understated rationalism. I highly support it. If my checking account were not overdrawn at the moment, I would definitely flip them some bread.

I especially like that they highlight the quote by Milton Friedman, which I think pretty much sums up the intellectual case against the War on Drugs.

Nota bene: I will have the chance to meet John Stossel next month (for the second time), who has been against the current federal drug policy for some time. I'll let you know if he gives me any trademark tasty, pithy quip to use.

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I caught on to something at Target the other week, and I'm wondering if anyone else noticed this. The Brawny Man is now officially sans-mustache. Just when the stache were coming back as a solid piece of ironic flare Brawny does away with it. It's Carsen's world, we only live in it.

Remember that treasure trove of lost Beatles memorabilia that turned up when a man bought a suitcase in a flea market in Australia last month? Turns out the bluh'y wankah was just fu'ing wit you. I've only had HBO for one week, but still... BOOYAKASHA!

"Many of the items in the suitcase appeared to be copies, including laser-scanned photos dating from the mid-1990s and ticket stubs for the Beatles' appearance on "The Ed Sullivan Show" and the premiere of "A Hard Day's Night" that were reproductions of images from "Lennon Legend," a book published last year."

HoTT Linx
ESPN takes a look at the 25 biggest chokes of the last 25 years. Pee-wee Herman rightfully omitted. (Ok, I promise to leave this kind of joke at bay in the future)

Via the fellow IU Blogsier Thighmaster, some truly classy baby shirts for the next time you're invited to a shower on the west side of Blington (my new Bloomington moniker - live it, love it, make it yours).

Lastly, next time you double down, double down with Jebus.
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I went to the Hall & Oates (aka Starsky and Hutch), Michael McDonald (badass), and Average White Band (herein, AWB) concert last night.

Michael McDonald, of course, kicked serious ass.


Daryll Hall had some huge air conditioner on stage. It took up half the stage. I thought it was a fog machine until nothing came out of it. He also wouldn't stop complaining about not being able to hear himself in the monitors. Seems to be a bit of a prima donna if you ask me.


The Daryll Hall show with John Oates (aka pubehead) did, however, entertain me. Daryll Hall seems to be most of the show. Oates kind of just sits there and looks like a Hobbit with the white man's overbite.

I managed to sneak my camera in and took these pictures. I was pretty sneaky about it until I had to use the flash. Some security guard came over to tell me that cameras weren't allowed. I guess he didn't see all of the morons in the front with their camera phones. I promise that I will never send anyone a picture of Hall & Oates from my camera phone (if I had one).

The highlight of the concert for me was when AWB, Michael McDonald and Starsky & Hutch sang "What a Fool Believes." I'll also admit that Starsky & Hutch have some pretty catchy tunes. I particularly enjoyed that "I Won't Go For That (No Can Do)" song. "Maneater" and "Private Eyes" are catchy as well.

BTW, A-ron, I'm going to Florence over my fall break.


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Yo yo yo, it looks like the band with my given "best cd of last year" has added some dates Check it Out!!! Chicago baby....two dates. I'm unsure at the moment of how good the venues are, but the second night is on a Friday...so I'm sure it would be easier for any travelers up here...and Empty Bottle seems like a pretty cool place.

In either case, if anyone finds out about when the tickets will become available...let me know, because I can not miss it. Dave, here's one I know you'll make it up for. Everyone else...bring it.

In case you don't follow the link, the other date is at Logan Square Auditorium, which is a cool place too and it appears the week before, on the 24th of Sept. RJD2 will be playing. Plenty of good stuff to come to the good ol town of Chi-town.


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A couple of quizzes for those who think we know somebody when we see them (via Fark comments). All a touch risque, but generally safe for work.

Funnel or Tunnel
Female or Shemale
Jailbait or Legal
Gay or Straight


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Check them out here.
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Costco has decided to begin test marketing caskets in select stores. That's right kids, death beds. A trip to the Oak Brook, Chicago store and one will find the caskets parked right along side the mattresses. Costco hopes to compete with funeral homes offering competitive prices. I've got love for any corporation who milks you for every red cent, up until your dying day. And it is a day I suggest all of you begin planning for. It may be right around the corner! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!! My funeral format as planned:

To speak at my funeral in order by preference:

1. Don LaFontaine: You all know him as the voice-over for just about every movie trailer you have ever seen. He's done wonders for Segal movies. His potential at my funeral is limitless.

2. George Takai: Most may know him as Sulu from the original Star Trek episodes and movies. Don't ask me why, but I just trust the guy.

3. Ed Lewis: Lewis is known for his work in the Micro Machine commercials from back in the day. Short and sweet baby.

The wake:

While I insist on being buried in my Costco casket, the casket is to be left out of the viewing. In fact, I prefer to be in a standing position, with my ass extended outward towards the on-lookers. In coordination, I would also request that during my preparation, my asshole is left unsewed. It has been said that the human body has been known to release gases even post-mortem. To fart on one of you bastards even after death would be a grand conclusion to any man's legacy.

Music:

1. Detachable Penis by - Sir Missile: At that point, I imagine it would be.
2. Groove is in the Heart - Dee-Lite: If this song doesn't make things uncomfortable, I don't know what will.
3. The theme from Magnum P.I.
4. Get the Fuck Out of My House - 2 Live Crew
5. Fire and Ice - Yngwie Malmsteen: To be played while I'm lowered in the ground.

Buried with me in my casket:

1. Kawasaki One-Man-Band: Hey, you never know. What if...what if I am still alive. I'd like to know I've got something to pass the time. K-K-K-KAWASAKI ONE-MAN-BAAAAND!
2. 6-pack of Red Dog: No, I don't drink Red Dog. But in a final attempt at a major accomplishment in the name of science, I would ask to be buried with it. In 1,000 years, when archaeologists exume my body in the name of historical research, I believe that the Red Dog will taste no different than it did on the day I was buried with it.
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Just did an update of Chicago, Louisville, Indy, Cincy and Bloomington shows for the next couple months. Lots of good shit coming through so go out and see some of it. Bold indicates notable buzz.

FRI 8.27 Dan the Automator - Chi
SAT 8.28 Jason Molina - Btown
SAT 8.28 Ravonettes - Indy
FRI 9.3 Marah - Indy
TUE 9.7 Impossible Shapes - Btown
THU 9.9 Leo Kottke - Btown
SAT 9.11 Cake - Chi
SUN 9.12 Calexico - Chi
MON 9.13 Les Savy Fav - Louvl
WED 9.15 Fiery Furnaces - Btown
9.15-9.18 LOTUS FEST - Btown
SUN 9.19 Keane / French Kicks - Chi
THU 9.16 M83 - Chi
THU 9.23 RJD2 - Indy
THU 9.30 Impossible Shapes - Btown
THU 9.30 Franz Ferdinand - Chi
FRI 10.1 Cee-Lo - Louvl
THU 10.7 TV on the Radio - Chi
SUN 10.10 Ministry - Chi
WED 10.20 R.E.M. - Indy
MON 10.25 Guided By Voices - Btown
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Good times were had at the Q101 Block Party in (It's the)Shitcago this past weekend. Walkmen and Modest Mouse were excellent, and I nearly shed a tear of delight during the Death Cab set. Jared and I paid a visit to Weiner's Circle, where I got called a "Forrest Gump lookin' motherfucker" by one of the "Ugly Bitches" serving me my "Hot fucking Dog." Those who've never been to Weiner's Circle should definetly make it a priority on your next visit to Chicago. Obscenities are not only encouraged when ordering food, they're required. I hope to have some pix up from the trip later this week.

Damnit Dickie V, can't you just keep your mouth shut... err, actually he hits the nail on the head with his idea for 2008's men's B-Ball team. Good job Dick, you may now resume blowing Coach Krzyzewski.

New York Senate candidate is seeking to boycott Springsteen. "He thinks making millions with a song-and-dance routine allows him to tell you how to vote," says Marilyn O'Grady. SONG AND DANCE ROUTINE! Hahahaha.

Amazon has their top releases of the year... so far list up. The way things are going so far this year, I'm going to have a hard time filling out a top 10. Right now I've got maybe 4 discs that deserve top 10 recognition and none of them should be top 5 in my opinion.

M83 - Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts
Madvillian - Madvilliany
Alpha - Stargazing
Franz Ferdinand - self-titled

Tedro - how 'bouts a little post-Coventry-post?
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Was I the only one who thought it looked like they were lighting a gigantic spliff during the opening ceremonies?
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Communique from the 2Chi-chi. The Yeti master J-red, The Stain and Ole Macky up in Chicago axin' what you know about some hoodlie-boo? Some winners, some losers, some nice comebacks tonight at the Grand ViKK rivverboat here in 2Chi-chi. Tommorow brings the pre-annouced triple bill of Modest Mouse / Death Cab / and personal PRoCeSSiaN faves the mu'fuckin WaLKMeN Yo whatevs... DEVELOPING! Now the additonal PSAs from mah nillas:

A-RON: "Liquor's Good" Nolte

J-RED: Bitches won $160...we goin Sizzla.
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I thought I'd post something for the ladies over at Proximity since their blog has seemed to morph into that sparclinux thing.
























Here is a site that you might enjoy.
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Bravo to Debra Dickerson for her piece entitled "Why am I the only honest bigot?" on Slate today.

I agree that anytime someone admits to being even the slightest degree racist they're immediately tossed aside as a ignorant fool. I think we're all racist to an extent, and the only way we can approach the end of the race war is to admit this and discuss it in an open forum. Check out the article.

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Terrell Owens has to be the most mindless, tasteless piece of trash in all the NFL, accusing Jeff Garcia of being gay in national media.

Owens was asked if he thinks Garcia is gay. Owens responded: ``Like my boy tells me: 'If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat.'''

Terrell Owens is like combining Keyshawn Johnson and Michael Irvin and purposefully leaving out the small shred of intellegence. For Garcia's sake I hope the Browns put the Eagles to bed in week 7.

The Morning News coming through again on the image tip, this time finding an unreal collection of aerial photos.

Hollywood: "Oh yes we di'id." - Not to be outdone by the Police Academy series - Defamer has the scoop on American Pie 4, based on Stifler's little brother who attends band camp. In about 2 months we'll be seeing this one in the new release section at Movie Gallery, where it will sit for the next two years claiming victim after victim.

Sharp is prepping to drop a 3D monitor, making it even more possible that the ridiculous scene from Minority Report could one day be reality.
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Apparently one's mating ability is in there somewhere.

If you're a loser in the dating game, your name might be part of the problem. New research has revealed that the vowel sounds in your name could influence how others judge the attractiveness of your face.

Amy Perfors, a cognitive scientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who carried out the study, believes the effect is subconscious. Observers unwittingly deem others better looking if they have the right moniker, she says.

Full story here. The home page of the researcher (note: not pictured here).

Hat tip to Marginal Revolution.

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The first video from Skinny Puppy's The Greater Wrong of the Right has just come out and, to my surprise, I think you guys might actually be interested in it. The viddy, for the heavily hip-hop infused song Pro-Test, features a group of stereotypical b-boys breakdancing when a band of rivetheads provoke a confrontation. What happens next, you might ask??? Well, what else but an old-fashioned breakdancing battle!

Great video that definitely goes against the typical industrial video asthetics...with some pretty damn smooth moves for those who get their kicks from solid breakdancing. All in all, a must see...but likely only for those with high-speed connections (considering its 29MB size):

Pro-Test vid from the fine multimedia gurus at Process.org
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"I'm gonna kill you." Check the video out on Sputnik7.com . Pretty funny. Werd goes to my buddy Scott for hookin me up with this. Woo hoo, hoo hoo hoo.

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Has anyone seen "Banzai" on Comedy Central?

I just watched two old ladies in hover-rounds play chicken. Then I saw a one-armed goalie defend against a one-legged soccer player.

I'm going to hell. I laughed.
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Fellow time travelers: Apologies for the temporary downtime on the blog. Apprarantly our comment host has again gone kaput, and that is what was causing the redirect. Unfortunatly all comments have most likely been lost. I'll look into getting yet another comment host, and avoid using blogger's commenting service at all costs. It's a royal pain in the ass to use and makes everyone register just to leave a comment.

Thanks to all who IM'd me wanting to know WTF.

-Management

UPDATE: All systems go, with no loss of comments. I don't know what happened, but it looks like they decided to add trackbacks to the service, which may have thrown everything off. Either way - GAME ON!
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[or how I learned to stop worrying and love being a nerd]

I began to study economics because of its seemingly bizarre applications in everyday life (read: unintuitive). Most people complain that the assumptions used in economics just don't apply to the "real world." But that's just not true, and modern economics perhaps more aptly describes and predicts human behavior than any other social science. This same thing applies to the law, methinks. Yes, I am, after some reluctance, declaring myself a nerd.

In any case, here's an awesome post about what surfing can teach us about property rights, or perhaps the other way around. It's written by Tom W. Bell, a law professor whom I had the pleasure of meeting last Summer. This post is the perfect example of why I try to read so much damn non-fiction (essays, journal articles, Wall Street Journal, etc.) and enjoy doing it.

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Create your own southpark character here. This character I've created I call "Ian circa 2004 Little 500."


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This is the only way I'd be able to have a cat. Since cats suck so much, I'd have to cut its hair like this so that I'd at least get a chuckle every time I kicked it.

Check out this find on snopes.com.

Also, in honor of Lion-o, check out this.




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Check out the trailer and teasers to this new movie from those truly risky bastards at Lion's Gate. This movie looks about as twisted as they come. I can't wait. And, if you can, watch all of the clips, cuz they're different...and the one with the girl that has the contraption on her jaw...wow...disturbing.

Saw Trailers

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Rick James, 56, found dead at home in Los Angeles.

I guess no more Dave Chappelle jokes, although there is word of Chappelle playing James in a biopic film.

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Come one, come all to Chicago next weekend, August 13th and 14th to see me!!! And if you don't like that idea, come up to see Modest Mouse, Death Cab for Cutie, and the Walkmen on August 14th in downtown Chicago. Click here to check it out and for tix. They are sold through tickets.com, but I had a problem ordering and used the 800 number instead. If that isn't enough for you, Ole Macky, the man, the Creator, the God of this site will also be there in the FLESH...ouwaahahaha. As a wise man once said, "Not even the Creator knew what the MAN would say next." I say, "hdsafhskdhfiopaseow."

Also, it appears that a couple other choice people...namely being the I-Dido (as he shall now be called for his GAYness) will also be coming the 13th and I will go see Polyphonic as well. Of course he is likely to have to leave early so he can get a good rest before Church on Sunday. All you biotches, Dave (you be close, no pussin out), Grant, Steve, Tedrow, J-red and whoever else I leave out, especially women are all welcome.
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Peter Gammons, famous for rankings, offers up the 20 CDs that make up his top 10 list for ESPN.com's Page 3.

Some predictable, yet nonetheless admirable, entries. Interesting notes include TWO Little Feat albums (#2 and #20). I was also very excited to see Joyful Noise by The Derek Trucks Band at #9. The title of this post refers to Gammons' obligatory inclusion of Jimi Hendrix's Electric Ladyland.

Also, Eric Neel over at ESPN.com's Page 2, overviews the best pitching windups of all time. I might have to go with Goose Gossage historically, and El Duque among actives. Extra points to Neel for use of the word "trebuchet" in reference to Sandy Koufax.



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A fun little game to test your wits. Make sure your volume is up so you can hear the funny punchline at the end of each level. This reminds me of the nudie match game at the bars. Lots of fun, try it out. (Via Jared's forwarding service)

Now Ricky Williams wants to come back and play for the Raiders? "I love Cali," he says. Cali? Only skeevy stoners say Cali.

Remember this skit? Perhaps the greatest SNL skit of all time, IMO. Star Wars auditions.

Smallpeepee - email me (mike_a_hicks at hotmail.com), I promise not to reveal your identity, be it shrouded in foreskin or not.
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So, yeah, as absolutely no one might guess, I've not only been in a relationship with my absolute polar opposite...a fundamentalist Christian right-winged righteous goody-goody...whom I, with some amount of shame and loads of utter confusion, absolutely adore. Yeah, it's more fucked than you know, but, to make things all the more putrid, I'm listening to music that not only doesn't scrape the shit off the pits of doom, but rather, is actually gleeful.

What I'm speaking of here is The Polyphonic Spree. And, well, outside of my brother-in-arms (the Tubby one), we know you're all pretty much homosexuals when it comes to music these days, so I'm guessing you're all familiar with these shitmongers, so introductions shouldn't be necessary.

Anywho, yeah I bought their first album and wasn't about to tell you fucknutz. And, yeah, it was decent. Despite the feel-good vibe, it garned the same respect from me which I give some of the Beatles and Beach Boys' material...some of which is really good (yeah, I have a soft spot). The commercial exploitation of Light & Day, however, destroyed any further examination of the Spree.

So, new disc comes out. And, yes, it's true...since I posted my hatred of Pitchfork, I've been back every day since (whereas before I went once every two months)...because they do throw in a good review once in a while (lately, Pan Sonic, Throbbing Gristle, Neurosis, Gravenhurst, Wagon Christ, Boom Bip). But, sure, Pitchfork clued me in. I disregarded still...

Then, my nigga, el Trento Rezzo does a Q&A for the latest issue of Alternative Press. They ask what he's been listening to, and it's all Pitchfork fag shit (Cat Power, TV On the Radio, Wilco) and he mentions the new Polyphonic...so, my interest was piqued again.

Therefore, about 8 hours ago I picked the bitch up. I've heard it at least 7 times through now. Good. Real good. Much better than the first. Buy it faggy boys!

And the Hixor and I will likely be at the show in Chicago on the 13th, so...see you there?

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HOLY SHIT! Totally busted! Check out my debut in this week's Onion, in the article on deadbeat baby daddies. From the article:

Mike Hicks, who arrived in Las Vegas on a $20 bus ride from Los Angeles, began demonstrating his non-support the moment he set foot in the lobby of the Rio.

"Point me toward the loosest slots in town," Hicks said, waving a sign that read "Rum & Coke over here, NOW." "Can't drop no brats off at my place if I ain't there to open the door!"

Although he was not appointed to speak for the non-centralized delegation of terrible fathers, Hicks succinctly conveyed the group's sentiment. Angry shouts of "Screw the baby—I needs a new pair of shoes" echoed up and down the strip, from the Luxor to the Stratosphere, all weekend long.

Hey bartender! Keep'em comin'! (thx for the link Alison!)
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Read this very insightful and fascinating article on the state of the iPod nation, and Apple current beef with Real (via Coolfer). I agree that it's only good for Apple to allow other online music vendors to have access to the iPod. Apple makes most of it's music-based revenue from the large profit margin in iPods , not from music downloads. More retailers catering to iPods means more iPod sales.

Don't feel bad for sitting on your ass right now. Explore the hidden wonders of NYC and check out these photos of a forgotten subway tunnel buried 10 stories underneath Manhattan. [Photos 1, Photos 2] Apparantly there used to be a lot of crazy parties that happened down there back in the early 90s. Oh to live in New York. (Via Gothamist)

Also, check out this online exhibit from the Museum of Modern art, focusing on some of the most remarkable skyscraper designs in recent years. (Via Morning News)

Blog Overexposure Alert!
I don't know if you've been following the hoopla surrounding Vincent Gallo's X-rated flick The Brown Bunny, but hear's a look at the billboard on the Sunset Strip featuring a still from the infamous blowjob scene. I love how Gallo takes the liberty of calling his film "The most controversial American film ever made" in the Trailer. Funny how he had to slip in that "American" to beat out Clockwork Orange.

What do you think is the most controversial film in 'mercan history? Apocalypse Now? Midnight Cowboy (X-rated Best Picture winner mind you)?
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If you haven't heard, now would be a great time dislodge your head from your anus. Google has been offering a free email service known as Gmail. Gmail's most notable feature: 1 GIGABYTE of free space. Gmail is currently in its testing (beta) phase and already, there is controversy surrounding the new email program. As you know, Google already utilizes an advertising program known as AdWords, which features ads pertaining to the words included in your search. For example, when Teddy searches for cock rings and butt plugs in Google, ads appear from companies some how affiliated with cock rings and butt plugs. Well, there are plans to apply this same theory to Gmail. Google will scan your messages for re-occuring keywords and include ads in your message based on those words. Are the controversial light bulbs blinking above your heads yet? Teddy, is this making your butthole pucker up? This of course would require Google to "read" (via a keyword scanning program) your email in order to determine which ads to place. Hence, the advantage for Google to offer 1 gig of space. Google's pitch is that with 1 gig of space, you never have to delete your email. And by holding on to all of your email, Google has a library of advertising potential to scan. Furthermore, 1 gig of free space is quite an attractive offer to the emailing consumer. As of now, Google does give the user the option to delete mail if they wish. Furthermore, there are plans to allow the user to red flag certain keywords they wish to be omitted from the "AdWord email scan" process. I have currently been testing Gmail myself and I have also found that the user can send large attachments, (up to 30mb so far?) which I find truly advantageous. Gmail offers a mess of other advantages which you can read about on your own, or experience for yourself. But how? I've noticed a Gmail invite on the opening page of the Blogger. Otherwise, a free account is hard to come by. Act now if you're interested. I'm not sure how long the offer will be made available to Blogger users.
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Here 'tis, phags, my ticket to Coventry. Go ahead, pucker up, put your lips on the screen and give it a little kiss. You know you want to. Maybe..just maybe...if you're lucky, I'll let you touch it. Give it a little stroke. No Wonka bars were needed for this golden ticket, though, just a credit card and a little forethought. And that is why I feel no pity for ya'll bitches who want to go but can't. I reminded all of you to get one, but no. You're too poor, too busy, too phucking lame is more like it. And don't tell me you don't like Phish. I've seen Phish with just about all of you, including ole Saxdroppings. Even Ian has admitted to liking the band (don't start hating on Wilson, I-Diddy). The Phish special last night on PBS just reminded me how awesome this show is going to be. Don't worry, phags, I'll be happy to tell you all about it when I get back. I'll even burn you a copy of the the bootleg and eventual DVD. This show will be badass. I'll be there. Too bad you won't. Phor shame.

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The trailor for Batman Begins is out. Whatevs brings the negative buzz, but I think it could potentially be the most interesting Batman movie yet. Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine... would somebody like to tell how this can possibly go wrong?

How about Team USA basketball getting blown out by Italy? Way to go you fucksticks, so much for undeafeated record in Olympic play and qualifications. Bring in the Globetrotters! Better yet, bring in the damn Washington Generals, they're due for a win.

No more Beta Band. The group that should have been a one hit wonder (with that song from High Fidelity) and never was, has annouced plans to discontinue their mediocrity.

From the May 13, 1955 edition of Housekeeping Magazine, a Guide to Being a Good Wife. Not willing to play along? You'll find this a useful resource.
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For all phans past and present, be sure to check out PBS' documentary on last summer's "IT" festival in Limestone, Maine. It's airing at 10pm in most locations, but be sure to check your local listings, or via PBS.org to make sure you don't miss it, or to insure that you avoid accidentally exposing yourself to the harmful vibes.
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Another fun flash game. Can you beat 51,365?

Yo Ian, remember when you used to carry that full-size stapler in your pocket on campus? You shoulda had this model.

For those who rely heavily on reviews in order to decide which CD to buy, don't over look Metacritic, a site that compiles reviews from many different critics and creates a score from 0-100. This may not be news to some people, but I just discovered this site and much like the power glove, it's bad.

NEW JAMS: Download Damien Jurado's "Texas To Ohio"

Also, lets all remember not to give our (future) kids too much shit for what they wear. It could be a lot worse.

Anyone going to the Curiosa festival tommorow in Cincy?
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