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10.31.2005

Rest in Peace, Red Six 


Long live the most jolly and lovable of all Rebel starfighter pilots, Jek Porkins, a man who, among other things, enjoyed many a chicken leg. Pay tribute to him by visiting the unofficial Jek Porkins homepage, Jek Porkins: The Man, The Myth, The Slam Dancer. Let us remember his famous words (click for audio):
"Red Six standing by."
"I'm right with you red three."
"I've got a problem here."
"I can hold it."
"No I'm alright, I'm alrightaaaarrrrrggghhhhh.... "
More on Porkins at Starwars.com .

Some little known and oft-misunderstood information about Porkins -
Porkins never really died. His weight carried him to the core of the Death Star and caused its destruction. Due to sincronicity, Luke shot at the weak point at the Same time Jek hit the core. This was the cause for much resentment on Jek's part. Luke got the medal, Jek got to wash his jockey shorts.
Let us not remember Porkins for what he did, but what he could have done. As a child he showed so much promise.

(Via Thighs Wide Shut)

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10.27.2005

Happy Birthday to Us 

Happy Birthday to 1.21 Giggers! We turned a big TWO years old today. That reminds me, I'm thinking about putting together a Best-of 1.21 Gigawatts section on the side bar and I'd like some suggestions from all you as to which posts should make the cut. Sure, they all suck pretty much but just pick a few. Don't make me do it. Post your nominees in the comments.

Also, happy belated birthday to our resident stoney-brody Teddy Parker-Renga, and happy early Birthday to Ian "I-Diddy" Donnoe whose birthday is tomorrow. Both turn 26. Way to go, ya bastards.

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Sox Win? Yeah, That's Cool or Whatever 



So Sox win. Last night at the bars (Lottie's in Bucktown to be exact) was a strange and almost polarizing experience. Sure, the fans went crazy when they won but not as crazy as they could have, say if Chicago only had one team. I'm not saying there were Cubs fans spoiling the show but there was a strange sense of indifference in the crowd. You had your "FUCK YEAAAAHHHH SOX!" -types, and plenty of'em, and your "Oh, Sox win, that's nice"-types.

You really have to feel bad for the true Sox fans that they can't enjoy this experience without the presence of freeloaders such as myself and the countless others that looked puzzled and unsure how to react once the Sox actually finished out the World Series as winners. At times I felt like a patron at a zoo or something -- "Look at that one honey, he's the aggresive one in the pack." When Sox fans turned to me expecting a high-five, I felt almost souless appeasing them but how could I deny? I do feel bad that, despite a similar history as the BoSox (except the BoSox actually made it to a few Series in the last 40 years), the Sox got no love from the media and no love from pretty much anyone outside Chicago. If the Cubs had made the playoffs at all they would have garnered more attention losing their first series in 4 games.

Do I have the right to cheer and scream and riot? Nope, not how I see it. Did I watch a single game this season that wasn't in the post-season? Not if I can help it. My personal battle to overcome my confused sexuality er, Chicago baseball allegiance was documented early on, so what now? After last night, knowing that I cannot officially be a Sox fan now without committing the ultimate sin of sports fandom - being fairweather - I have decided... well, not much. I can't be a Sox fan now though, that's for sheeze. Cubs? Do I have to?

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10.26.2005

The New Street Drug - Camel Toads 




If there were actually hallucinogenic toads around the pool I went to as a kid...no way I would ever leave. Shit, I would be still be a lifeguard. *hint click on the picture to read it.

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For those who must wait and hour to rock... 

Check out this website that, upon inputting your URL of choice, allows you to surf the internet anonymously (i.e. without an IP address). This tool is especially useful for people that download a lot from fileshare services like RapidShare and MegaUpload -- sites that only allow one download per hour. This tool will keep the downloads coming. It's sort of slow, but it does the trick. Peep it...

Anonymouse.org

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Iran wants Israel "wiped off the map" 


The article basically states that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants Israel gone, supports the Palestinians, and hates Allah damned Jews and Americans. I'm glad with this new president everything's back to normal again.

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10.25.2005

A little pomey-poem 

Check out the automatic, won't give ya no static bad-poem generator. Just provide the first line and watch the magic unfold. Some examples:

I dropped a massive duecer
Bombs away an' give em' a mickie D.
"RAPUNZEL, RAPUNZEL, let down your juicer!"
Reality is a staircase leading nowhere.

I got these cheeseburgers
Out of the window jump the plants
many a wistful wife who yearned for hers
into the waiting jaws of the fire ants

Those boards don't work on water
cLiChes tHaT SiNk dEEp InTO mY fLesH
being done to your daughter
Mashed potatoes, where's the gravy baby?

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10.24.2005

Beards win baseball games 

... or maybe not. The 'Stros break out the Mach 5.

Now a good mustache, that will strike fear in the heart of the enemy. Take a guy like Rollie Fingers.

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10.21.2005

Finger Bang-Bang You Into My Groceries 

According to the Chicagoist, all Chicago area Cub Foods locations will enable biometric payment technology. That is, one will be able to pay for items using your finger as a debit card.

Sayeth the snarky Sam Bakken of the Chicagoist:

"We were big Back to the Future Part II fans...and always wondered where this wonderful future was, and what was taking so long."

Here, here. While no one would ever argue this is as cool as the hoverboard (after they fix the defect that causes it to not work on water), it's pointing in the right direction.

[Hat tip: Knowledge Problem]

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BOTW 


Or is supposed to be Babe of the Month? It's been so long I can't remember.

My submission is Mario Bartiromo, who used to be condescendingly referred to as "CNBC's Money Honey." Inappropriate or not, she is indeed just that. Like Steve's previous BOTW nomination made it okay to stare at the Weather Channel for prolonged spells without the benefit of chemically-induced catatonia, Maria is the exception that proves the rule; as a nerdy financial analyst (but I repeat myself) would say "economists do it with models."

Maria steadily climbed her way out of "the pit," as the first daily live reporter from the New York Stock Exchange, eventually capitalizing on her good looks and infallible ability to drop bombs like "decision break-point analysis" to make her way into the studio as a CNBC anchor. When the producers realized she could actually hold people's attention for reasons other than sexual fantasies, she parlayed her career into one of the most sucessful financial journalists in the country.

She now anchors two prime-time shows on CNBC, interviews Hollywood as well as financial heavyweights on a regular basis, and apparently could drop kick anyone who continues to call her "Money Honey." Thank God she was not chosen to be Regis' new sidekick, lest she be reduced to the dribbling mass of cheesiness that is Kelly Ripa.

Here's to you Maria "Financial Dreams Come True" Bartiromo.

P.S.: CNBC, one may be surprised to learn, has a number of qualified BsOTW. Should Maria be unable to fulfill her BOTW duties, I think her colleague Becky Quick could do an adequate job.

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What is The Gauley? 



For those of you who don't know, the picture is enough. For those of you who do, Look at that we crazy shit, we're about crack right off o' Pillow Rock. DAMN!! Dig That Brother!!

I had written a complete story about this but it got deleted my IE, the shortened version is cool enough.

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10.17.2005

The More You Know (PSA) with Steve Nowak 

Friday night, October 14, my date and I were robbed at gunpoint by two men. I have had a streak of sour luck lately. It was only a couple of months ago that my car was broken into just outside my old apartment. After this recent incident, I now have two blue case cards from IPD. Collect 'em all! On the other hand, I should probably be believing that I have been lucky. The thugs who broke into my car were caught and my belongings were returned. While my date lost her purse during our robbery Friday night, I walked away with my credit card and my $80.00. Most importantly, no one was hurt. I just want to advise all who participate here at the Watts that you should never fight a perp in a situation like the one I experienced. If your life is not in danger, just let it go. On the other hand, if you're certain bodily harm is imminent, by all means, beat dat ass. Teddy, if a rectal breach is imminent...well, we all know that you'll just let the perp pound that ass. However, the rest of us should fight it. Overall, just play it safe. Keep your eyes peeled, keep your guard up, and do your best to befriend ninjas. (Cue: The More You Know riff)

Go nin-ja, go nin-ja, GO!

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10.13.2005

Name That Band 

It's time to play name that band. If you can name this band, you "fuckin'rock." My suggestion is that you observe the photo carefully and note the subtle features that may serve as clues.

-Observe rocker on one knee. Serious facial expression screams, "I love metal. And the Seattle Supersonics."
-Note rocker with no shirt. There is always a member with no shirt. Sweat bands on the wrists cry out, "I challenge you to a foot race!" Suspenders with no shirt also display a sense of security with one's homosexuality.
-Study 8'9" rocker on far right. Leaf-eating height says, "I not only destroy my instruments at the end of a show, I eat them."

**Grand Observation**
8'9" guy, sweat bands on wrists guy, and Seattle Supersonics jersey guy...the next AND1 team?

NAME THIS BAND!

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Music has the right to Video 

So Apple annouced their new Video iPod yesterday, so Macky gets his excuse to wax tech-style for a minute. The new gadge plays home movies as well as music videos and television shows downloaded from iTunes (presumably in Quicktime's .mov format). Will people pay $1.99 for a music video download or last night's episode of Lost? I'll put my money on yes. If poeple will pay $3.99 to download a ring tone that sounds like buckwheat humming a tune in to an empty coffee can, then yes they'll pay $1.99 for a music video. It will be even more interesting to see how the TV-related sales affect DVDs, especially as more shows and show archives become available for purchase.

Aside from the obvious questions, I see this product as the next serious move towards music consumption on a visual level. The 21st century is all about pleasing as many senses as possible simoultaniously and this new iPod has the potential to make music videos relevant for the first time since the introduction of MTV2. Recent albums from Beck and 50 Cent featured videotracks meant to accompany the sound and I think more and more record labels will fork over the cash to produce video accompanyment in order to offset loses from illegal downloads. Unless the record industry adopts a new visual approach (and they will) as a standard sales will continue to decline. Additionaly with each new decade artist public images furthur define their acceptance in the social marketplace and audio/video albums will only push that to new extremes. Personally I will look forward to the day when I can sit on the couch and watch my music. In the meantime, this iPod is a step in the right direction.

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10.08.2005

Quotes by Friends 

I have been quiet on the Watts lately. I have been working on a couple of blogs.

IKnowMyMiddleNameIsStanley
The Fist List

Alli G: Your link on Lipstick to Stanley is straight busted. I had to change the domain because of a spelling mistake.

Anyways, my writing gears have been turning. Some of the fuel for my fire comes from you fucks. You see, I listen to the stupid shit you say and often times, I write it down. So, here is a list of quotes from friends of mine. If you're not on it, say something stupid.

Quotes:

"You're sand baggin' it Sanders!"
-Jared Connor (While pressuring beer onto a 16 year-old kid wearing a Barry Sanders jersey.)

"Mo like smokin' a twenny sack."
-Andy Smith

"Veni, vidi, vici! We came, we saw, we conquered!"
-Mike Fagin (A Halloween night in Bloomington, screaming at people on the sidewalk from the front porch.)

"I'm gonna die on Spring Break."
-Jason Braun (Before senior Spring Break '98)

"He's a terrorist!"
-Adam Chase (Prior to baggage search at the airport for a high school EuroTrip.)

"MUTHAAH!"
-Nick Hoffman (Yelling out of the car window at a "goth kid" on Broadripple Avenue.)

"Does a hee horse have a hangdown?"
-Tim Fagin (All of the time.)

"Anyone gotta cigarette? I just got laid."
-Geoff Ritter (Hotel at Malone's wedding.)

"There ain't no criteria for a blow job."
-Chris Goodwin (Camping trip, sophomore year of high school(?) )

"Vagina-panda-cock."
-Lance

"Hopefully, I'll get some butt."
-Jared Connor

"Is Meatbar there?"
-Matt Lee (During high school when pranking guy whose phone number spelled M-E-A-T-B-A-R.)


"He's the kinda guy I could kick in the balls, walk away, and not feel bad about it."
-Jason Abbitt (At work)

"If I'm walkin' by and I see a pile of shit with stuff crawlin' around in it, I don't keep walkin'. I stop and look."
-Jason Abbitt (At work)

"Eventually, I'm gonna drop trow on that guy--show him the whale."
-Jason Abbitt (At work)

"Brown eye. Brown--eye. Browneye."
-Jared Connor (While putting his ass in Ritter's (?) face and "talking" with his ass crack.)

"Vomit on my life."
-Meg Dwyer

"Eat my fuck."
-Ian Donnoe

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10.07.2005

Some Freebies 

For the sake of a new post, point your browser to these links to check out some great tunes. First up is easily my favorite Palace / Will Oldham record. Viva Last Blues is a masterpiece and a disc that every rock fan should not only own, but worship. It's at-times a powerful vocal performance from a voice that typically leaves a little to be desired for most listeners.

Palace - Viva Last Blues

Also, be sure to check out the second (and best) album for a band that is really starting to catch a wind with the press, and deservingly so, the New Pornographers' Electric Version. On this disc Carl Newman really shows why he might be the best songwriter in rock right now.

The New Pornographers - Electric Version

Last and probably least is the soon-to-be-released collab from MF DOOM and Dangermouse, The Mouse and the Mask. I got my hands on this about 2 months ago and while it's no Madvillian, it's got some standouts.

DangerDOOM - The Mask and the Mouse

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10.04.2005

Brian Jonestown gives it Away 

First off, if you haven't seen DiG!, get on it -- it's one of the best Rock'n'Roll documentaries out there. Anton Newcombe is only a notch or two lower than GG Allin on the musician crazy-o-meter.


After you see the flick I bet you'll want to pick up a Brian Jonestown Massacre album or two, so save yourself some cash and download them for free from the band's *official* website. I know, who gives away ALL of their albums for free? In a world where rock stars constantly claim to not give a shit, these guys are the real deal.

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All up in that Nappy Ass 

Fools, drunks and scrubs unite - I will be paying a visit to Indy for a long weekend from Oct 14-17 and I am hoping that some of you will be around to help me kick-it live. Ian, Nowak, Byron -- will all you'ns be around? Also, word on the streets is that Ronen Galor will be representing for the Jews, Indy style. I'll be hitting alls y'alls up so be sure to give me a holler on Friday night if you haven't heard from me.

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10.03.2005

Ooops... 

Happy Belated Birthday to the Gigawatts' very own Michael Alowishus Hicks. I hope the weekend treated ye well, ya old bastard!

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